


Center Point of Balance

by Vera (Vera_DragonMuse)



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Ballroom Dancing, F/M, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Drug Use, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:01:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 31,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22130716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vera_DragonMuse/pseuds/Vera
Summary: Poe is in the air more than he's on the ground. Sharing an apartment with his buddy Finn, Finn's girlfriend, and Finn's girlfriend's tall, dark and brooding dance partner, is just good sense.  He'll barely even be there. His life won't change much at all.Probably.
Relationships: Finn/Rey (Star Wars), Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 81
Kudos: 114





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know y'all. My brain is just a box of squirrels sometimes.

Poe touched down smoothly, the tarmac slick as glass beneath them with the torrential rain. He could hear the smattering of applause from the passengers and grinned to himself. Jessika handed him the speaker and he thumbed it on, 

“Welcome, passengers to a very wet Newark, New Jersey. It’s sixty degrees and coming down hard. We hope you had a good flight with us today. Today and every day, Third Republic Airlines flies for you. Please stay in your seats with your seatbelts fastened until we complete our gating process and the fasten seatbelt lights turn off.”

Thirty minutes later, he was walking to his car. An enormous jumbo jet soared overhead and he stopped to watch it for a moment, still caught by the magic of the wings slicing through the air. 

He drove straight to Finn’s apartment, charging up the stairs. He could hear BB barking furiously inside and Finn scrambling to open the door with a laugh. The dog charged out and Poe scooped up her small wiggling body to accept as many gross kisses as she wanted to lick onto his face. 

“Hey, hey, hey,” he grinned at her. “Did you have a good time here, huh?” 

“She ate one of my roommate’s shoes,” Finn leaned against the door frame. “Welcome back, flyboy.” 

“Shit, sorry, was he pissed?” 

“Who cares?” Finn gave Poe a hard hug then pulled him inside. “Can’t wait to see the back of him.” 

“You’re leaving?” Poe’s stomach tightened. If Finn moved...there was nothing left for Poe here. His parents were gone for years, his air force buddies scattered to the wind. He was barely ever around himself, more hours spent in the air and hotels then in the condo a few blocks away. Who would watch BB for him? 

“This apartment, not town,” Finn said unconcerned, swinging open the fridge. “You want a coke?” 

“No caffeine, I have to sleep. Where are you moving?” 

“Uh, that’s sort of something I wanted to talk to you about,” Finn handed him a bottle of water. “So you know Rey?” 

“Rey, the most beautiful, smartest woman in the whole world that agreed to date you and that’s a miracle and you love her so much sometimes you think you’re going to die of it? Rey of the dark hair and the bright eyes and the best laugh and the whitest teeth and the kindest heart in the whole world? That Rey?” 

“Shut up,” Finn groaned pressing his own bottle of water against his forehead. “I know I say stupid things when I’m drunk.” 

Poe elbowed him gently, “Nah. I think it’s cute. Sorry I haven’t met her yet.” 

“Yeah, well she travels almost as much as you, so it’s not surprising. Which brings me back what I was trying to say.” 

“I’m listening,” Poe picked BB back up as she circled his feet excitedly. 

“We want to move in together, and we’ve got a place too,” Finn glanced at him. “It’s got three bedrooms, takes pets. I thought maybe...I know you like having your own space, but you’re never home and this way BB would be able to just stay in one place. And on our end...well one more person paying rent would be good.”

“Huh,” There was something appealing about the idea. He wouldn't mind living with Finn. He hadn’t met Rey yet, but he felt like he knew her from Finn’s stories. And if he hated it, he was rarely around anyway. He could just ditch once the lease was up. 

“There is one thing though.” 

“Yeah?” 

Finn set down his water, “There’s Ben.” 

“Who’s Ben?” 

“Rey’s partner.” 

Rey was a competitive ballroom dancer as Finn had told him many times. They’d met when Finn finally quit his terrible job and in the process of escaping a knife wielding angry chef boss, charged right into the competition going on next store. Apparently, Rey had kicked the chef’s ass so thoroughly that the police hadn’t been clear on who to arrest. Finn had abstractly referred to Rey’s dancing partner, but not with any detail. 

“I thought his name was Kylo?” 

“Don’t even ask. It’s his old stage name and Rey finally convinced him to drop it. You know, since he got out of prison.” 

“He was in prison,” Poe repeated flatly. 

“Yeah...um. So he’d be the other roommate. There’s three bedrooms. And Rey won’t let Ben live anywhere else. They’re really...close?” 

“How close?” Poe frowned. 

“They’re sort of cousins or something? Rey doesn’t actually have any family, but Ben’s uncle sort of adopted her. He was already in deep whatever shit got him arrested. She got him to turn in his whole gang apparently. And wrote to him a lot in prison. I have no idea, man. It’s not...you know...they’re like brother and sister.” 

“So it’s you and Rey, her ex-felon cousin-ish dance partner, and me? In an apartment.” 

“Yes?” 

Poe rested his chin on BB’s head, “Yeah, could be fun.” 

He didn’t actually get a chance to see the place in person before moving in. He had a whirlwind two days off to do his laundry, sleep in a real bed, then he was back in the cockpit. If he worked for a bigger commercial line, he would probably never see the same co-pilot twice, but the Third Republic was made of smaller planes, mostly on private commission. Which meant he generally flew with Jessika when they could swing it. It also meant a lot of last minute flights and often whiling away a day or two waiting for one client or another to finish their business. This was a four-city tour with two days in each place. 

“A new place?” Jessika assiduously watched the dials. “I’d say we’re a little old for roommates, but some company wouldn’t kill you.” 

“That’s what I thought,” he admitted. “Since Charlie left...it’s just been quiet all the time when I’m home.” 

“And you barely liked Charlie.” 

“I loved him,” he protested weakly. Nearly a year out from the death of his first long term relationship, he could admit it had been far from ideal.

“Maybe, but you didn’t really like him.” 

“I don’t know why! He was great! He made dinner from scratch, tipped everyone, and was super nice. Everyone wanted to date him! What’s wrong with me?” 

“Poe, if just being a decent human was enough for anyone to fall in love, it’d be a lot easier.” 

“You sound very wise for a lifelong single person.” 

“How do you think I know?” 

At the third city, Finn emailed him the lease for him to digitally sign. Finn’s signature was familiar, straight and practically not cursive at all. Rey has signed with rounded letters and a few hesitation marks in her last name, making the w in ‘Skywalker’ wobble. Poe had to just guess that the last signature was Ben’s since it was jagged and angular enough to bleed the letters together into complete illegibility. 

He signed it and sent it back without much further worry. 

Almost as soon as he touched back down in Newark, he was given his marching hours back out. He grabbed a bunk in a crashpad nearby, then was up and back on the road. 

But eventually he had to come back down, flight hours for the month at their maximum. He was grounded and just in time to go back to his condo and start packing. 

It took depressingly little time. He had five boxes and one of them was really BB’s and another was linens. The furniture wasn’t even his. He’d rented the place mostly because it had come furnished and the few personal touches had gone with Charlie when he left. 

There was just him, his few sets of clothes, handful of sentimental things, and his dishes. And the dishes had come from a Goodwill when he was still in college. He didn’t even like them. 

He called Finn, 

“So, I’m done packing, when can I move in?” 

“Didn’t you just land like yesterday?” There was noise in the background, the sounds of students milling around. Finn had turned his horrible experiences into the kitchen into a teaching job at a technical school which seemed alternatively to drive him up the wall and make him heart-breakingly happy. 

“I don’t have a lot of worldly possessions, apparently. I’m charmingly footloose.” 

“Uh huh. Well, if you can wait an hour, Mr. Footloose, come over in an hour or two. Everyone’ll be home by then and you can say hello.” 

“That’s Captain Footloose to you, punk.” 

He had to buy a few things anyway. Like a bed. The room apparently had a closet, so he wouldn’t need a whole set. But a nightstand would probably be good.  
Maybe two. Who knew? Maybe one day someone else would want to put down a glass of water on the other side of the bed. 

He went to the nearest large store, gave his best smile to the nearest salesperson and got a good deal out of it. There was lunch to be had nearby, sitting out in the weak early spring sun as he polished off a sandwich. 

The address on the gps took him into a new neighborhood both to him and apparently to central New Jersey. Most of the buildings were new, construction sites going up everywhere. Finn had mentioned something about a new highway ramp and the city commute. The building was nice, not as new as it’s neighbors. A brick facade dotted with generous balconies though the view was mostly just more construction. 

He texted Finn about his arrival and a few minutes later, his friend was pushing through the front door and chucking a set of keys at his head, 

“Fob is for the front door and the garage,” he explained, taking one of the boxes from Poe. “There’s a storage unit in the basement, but Ben and Rey stuffed it with dance costumes so I hope you weren’t counting on that, Captain Footloose.” 

“I’m good,” he agreed, watching Finn punch the up button. “How long have you guys been here?” 

“Three weeks for me, but Rey and Ben just got back from the UK on Tuesday. There’s a few boxes left around.” 

They were on the eighth floor, first door on the left. 

“Can’t believe I’m finally going to meet the famous Rey,” Poe teased, juggling his box. “Will she have a halo?” 

“Man, with the amount of costumes she has? Probably got one somewhere.” 

The door opened into a wide pleasant living room that spilled into a small kitchen, framed by a floor to ceiling window on one side and a door to the balcony on the other. There were a few boxes piled up. Someone had already setup the television though and the enormous couch that had once been crammed into Finn’s tiny bedroom looked far more suited to this light airy space. 

And on the couch were two very very good looking people. Poe had seen blurry photos of Rey on Finn’s phone, but they didn’t do her justice. She had a lovely face, even with her brow scrunched as she read the book in her lap, fingers idly twisting a pen around. She wasn’t leaning against the back of the couch, but resting against a broad black clothed back. The man seemed unconcerned by her weight against him, his focus on a long length of white cloth in his hands that he was apparently...embroidering? beading? Something with a needle and thread that was halfway through a glittering black rose blooming on the edge. 

“Guys, this is Poe. Poe, Rey and Ben.” 

They looked up at the same time, an eerie synchronicity. But Rey’s face broke into a bright welcoming smile and Ben’s stayed wary. There was an enormous scar raked over one of his eyes and across the cheek. He looked like all the things Finn had stumbled through warning him about. Mad, bad, and dangerous to know. 

“Hi,” he smiled at them set his box down to shake Rey’s offered hand. “It’s great to finally meet you.” 

“You too,” she got to her feet, using Ben’s shoulder for leverage. “I sort of thought you were fictional for awhile.” 

“Hey!” Finn protested. 

“What? ‘I have this friend, he’s a military hero, great smile, funny and kind....” she teased, doing a pretty good Finn impression. “He didn’t seem to have any other friends so...” 

“I’m standing right here,” Finn grumbled. 

“Not like I have friends, it’s fine,” Rey rolled her eyes. “Who has time for friends?” 

Ben huffed, his attention fully back on his work now. 

“You aren’t my friend,” Rey socked him in the shoulder. “You’re my punishment for whatever sins I committed in a past life.” 

Ben seemed to take no offense with that, if anything, he seemed marginally pleased, the beginnings of a faint smile on his lips. 

“Hey,” Poe stopped. “Where’s my dog?” 

“Probably on Ben’s bed,” Finn stuck his head into one of the doors on the left. “Your master’s home, silly girl.” 

“He has a really really big pile of blankets,” and then as if it was perfectly natural, Rey stepped onto to the worn coffee table and then hopped off heading for the kitchen instead of going around. 

Poe had no time to react to that as BB barreled into his legs, he squat down to greet her, 

“I see how it is, you’re already leaving me for another man,” he rubbed her soft head. “Harlot.” 

“She farts in her sleep,” Ben grumbled, still not looking up from his work. His hands seemed to large for such a delicate task, the needle ridiculously small between his fingers. 

“Probably because someone is feeding her cheese,” he looked up at Finn, who widened his eyes innocently. 

“Boxes! Let’s get you unpacked!” 

They wound up just piling the boxes into his room. It was a decent space with two nice windows. It wasn’t very big, but with just his boxes in rang cavernously. 

“The furniture will be here tomorrow,” he said almost as much for himself as for Finn. “I’ll stay at my old place tonight.” 

“If you’re sure, man. You don’t have any sheets over there though.” 

Which was true. Fuck. 

“Maybe the couch then,” he’d slept on it before, drunk nights at Finn’s place. 

“Come on, see the rest of the place.” 

The bathroom was nice, shower and bath both. There was a washer and dryer unit hidden in a closet next to it, someone’s clothes tossing around in both already. Across the living room was the door Finn has stuck his head into, 

“Ben’s room, obviously.” The door was a little ajar, but the lights were, only a smear of a bed hazy in the dark. It had no windows, apparently. “And this is me and Rey.” 

They had claimed the master, which Poe wasn’t much put out by. Finn would be here the most often, usually by himself, so he couldn’t begrudge him a little extra room and the half-bath. Not much decorating had gone on yet, but there was a series of shelves up around the room weighted down with trophies of varying sizes, medals draped over those. 

“Holy shit,” he said low, stepping in little closer to look despite himself. Pristine couples dipped in gold stood at the top of dozens of them. Some were so tall that they sat right on the floor and barely tucked under the shelf. 

“Rey’s really good,” Finn said seriously. “I know you think I exaggerate about her, but she’s awesome. And she got most of these with pretty shitty partners. I don’t really get everything about it, but I know that that’s the most important part. Having a good partner.” 

“And Ben's a good one?” 

“You’ll just have to see for yourself one day. But they’ve won half the competitions they were in this season. And it’s the first time they’ve worked together since he went to prison.” 

“Finn, what do you want for dinner?” Rey called from the kitchen.”The leftover kung pao or the leftover pepperoni pizza?” 

“It’s been take out week since they got back,” Finn snorted. “Come on, let’s see if we can make something decent.” 

Poe was an okay cook. He didn’t bother much, except every once and awhile when he really missed his Dad and made one of the recipes that they’d kept in a binder, wrinkles printouts from the internet interspersed with old recipe cards from a grandmother he’d never met. 

But cooking with Finn was way too interesting to turn down. 

Finn handed him an onion and looked him in the eye, 

“You’re going to dice this, large squares. Do not murder my onion, Dameron.” 

“Yes, chef,” Poe nodded seriously. “Dice, no murder.” 

Finn had been teaching kitchen skills to teens for just two years, but he had taken to it like a duck to water. Poe diced onion on the island that separates the kitchen from the living room. Rey had returned to the couch, and her book, apparently happy to wait until the food arrived. 

“What are we making?” 

Finn had already chopped up a few carrots, celery and was rooting around in the cupboard, “Haven’t decided yet. Keep chopping, Cap.” 

Eventually it was all swept into a pan, the ever good smell of cooking onion and garlic infusing the air. Rey wandered over as Finn dropped thick pasta noodles into boiling water. She sat down at one of the stools pushed up to the island and shoved a purple marker at him. 

“What’s this?” 

“A marker,” she gave him a cheeky smile. 

“For what?” 

“Shared calendar, “ she pointed to the one thing hanging on any wall, an oversized calendar next to the fridge. “We’re supposed to be helping you with BB, so we need to know when you’re around. I’m orange, Ben’s black, and Finn is green. We just put up dates we’re out of town or won’t be home until late or leaving super early. That way we know who’s around to walk her.” 

“You did this for my dog?” he asked, moving towards it. Sure enough, the various handwriting from the contract were all over calendar. Ben and Rey at a tango competition next week, Finn and Rey having a late night out later in the month. On two Thursdays, the black marker said ‘Out to Lunch’, but seemed to mean the whole day. 

“She’s a good dog,” Rey said affectionately. 

“She is,” he smiled at her, “Thank you.” 

He carefully added his flight dates, purple underscoring the other colors as he drew a tiny airplane dashing across his lines. 

There wasn’t any dining room furniture, so Finn dished out pasta and they sat down around the coffee table. Ben set aside his project and slid to the floor with a mumbled ‘thanks’ before very neatly and politely decimating his plate. Man had table manners even if he ate like a vacuum. Rey on the other hand, ate like no one was watching. She talked with a mouth full of food and slurped noodles, spattering sauce all over the old t-shirt she was wearing. 

Poe adored her almost immediately. She was exactly as smart and funny and kind as Finn had said, 

“And he can to a really serviceable waltz now,” she finished her story about the hopeless groom trying to please his bride. “Luke promised he wouldn’t make me do the basic classes, but now I think they might be fun once and awhile.” 

“I like doing basics,” Finn agreed. “Sometimes it reminds me how to do proper techniques too.” 

Ben added nothing to the conversation. When they were finished, Ben picked up everyone’s plates and brought them to the sink, the sound of water running quickly following. Rey and Finn didn’t comment on his silence, so Poe left it alone. 

“What do evenings usually look like around here?” He asked instead. 

They settled on putting on a movie. Poe saw a lot of movies, killing time in hotel rooms and it seemed their tastes were aligned enough. When the dishes were done, Ben came back to the couch, picked up his work and disappeared into his bedroom. 

“It’s not you,” Finn shrugged. “He usually does his own thing after dinner.” 

When the movie ended, the couple slipped away to their room. Poe decided to at least get his bathroom things unpacked, slotting them into free spaces where he could. There was already a toothbrush holder with one brush in it and a lot of hair products. It felt good to set his brush next to someone else’s again, even if it was a weird roommate. 

BB followed him as settled himself back on the couch, now freshly washed up and in his pajamas, hauling his comforter in around him. She tried to jump to her usual place at his feet, huffing when there wasn’t enough space. She got back down and settled with a sigh on the floor. 

“Sorry, sweetheart,” he murmured, reaching down to pet her. “Tomorrow we’ll have a bed again.” 

He slept unevenly. Sometime in the middle of the night, someone made an unhappy noise in their sleep. BB stirred, her tags clicking quietly together. She sat up alert until the noise came again. She looked up at Poe. 

“Go on,” he said sleepily, turning his face back into the cushion. 

She trotted across the living room, nose open Ben’s door and slipped inside. Had Ben left it open for her? 

Poe yawned, jaw cracking and decided it was a mystery for another moment. 

He did wake up at the sounds of other people trying to be quiet. Even years of sleeping crash pads and barracks before that had never given him the knack of sleeping through someone tiptoeing past him. It’d be good to get a door between himself and everyone else. 

Yawning, he sat up and scrubbed a hand through his hair. He took a few minutes to wake up like that, half aware of the sounds of BB-8 coming over to meet him. Stumbling he found his discarded sweatshirt, pulled it on and found the spare leash he’d given to Finn sitting on top of a box by the front door. 

She led him out onto the street, to a lamp post she seemed fixed on. Then they went for a slow amble around the block, Poe waking up in the cool foggy morning, orienting himself. There was a convenience store on the corner, and a bagel place squeezed up next to it. A boutique clothing store was up against the other side, gauzy summerwear on the mannequins, advertising for the warmth that hadn’t yet arrived. 

A cluster of teens stood on the corner with their bookbags, enormous cups of coffee and most of them looking still half asleep. A few of them gave sleepy smiles to BB and curious looks at him before returning to their phones. 

He could learn to like it here, he decided. They headed back inside and closed the front door quietly. Finn was posted up on a stool as the kitchen island, hands around an enormous mug of coffee. 

“Good morning,” Poe offered cheerfully. 

Finn shushed him. Poe raised his eyebrows. 

“This is one of my favorite times of day,” Finn whispered. “Don’t ruin it for me.” 

He pointed to the balcony door where his spot at the island gave a perfect view of the goings on outside. Rey and Ben were sitting in a lotus pose back to back on brightly colored mats. Poe got himself a cup of coffee from the pot and sat down next to Finn quietly. 

“Are you perving on your own girlfriend?” 

“Hey, she said I’m allowed to watch if I shut up,” Finn gave him a meaningful look and Poe shut up. 

The mediation gave way to yoga, their movements perfectly mirrored though they couldn’t see each other. It was elegant in it’s own way. Poe had tried yoga, but he was just too twitchy for it. He preferred the gym where he could go from machine to machine if he got bored. 

Maybe he should rethink that. They looked almost inhuman as they stretched. Eventually they turned to face each other and Ben rolled on to his back, lifting Rey up in a perfect plank balanced on his feet. Back on the ground, they pressed their palms together and stretched one side to the other. Rey’s sport’s bra did little to hide her incredible musculature or her grace, but Poe wasn’t looking at her. 

He didn’t want to be looking at Ben. Bad News Ben, who’s neutral resting face looked murderous. Black yoga pants should’ve looked ridiculous on those giraffe legs, but instead they showed every line of toned calves and thighs. The blank loose tank top gave a tantalizing glimpse at a carved stomach. He moved fluidly, matching Rey’s movements without hesitation, far more flexible than anyone that beefy should be.

At one point Rey sucked in a breath and their perfect symmetry broke as Ben leaned in to look at her left leg where she was pointing. Broad hands circled the troubled point, massaging it. The pinch of pain disappeared from Rey’s brow. They both folded back into lotus, facing each other now. 

Finn sighed happily, “Oatmeal? I can start breakfast now, they’ll just be breathing for a few minutes now.” 

“Please,” and he tried to give Finn his attention as he talked about the day to come, but his eyes kept straying back to the balcony where Ben inhaled and Rey exhaled.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains mentions of past drug abuse and past violence.

Things settled into a routine or as routine as they could be with their schedules. Poe was still in transit more than he was home, but it did actually feel like coming home now when he got back. Finn was almost always there in the evenings, sometimes grading, but usually available for a chat or to watch something together. Even when they were in town, Ben and Rey spent most evenings at the studio, coming back sweaty from practice. It was rare they were all in the apartment at once past noon. 

Mornings though.... 

Poe learned to get up to sit with Finn occasionally because the morning yoga was spectacular. And then there was breakfast which was a lot of jostling around the kitchen island for quick fixes on mornings Finn was working and whatever delicious thing he’d made on the weekends. One of the best mornings that Poe had had in years was slowly drizzling icing over Finn’s cinnamon buns while Rey sat cross legged on the island and shot raisins at all of them, laughing her sparkling laugh as they tried to dodge and not get too far from the sweet smelling pan. 

She had crowed in triumph, scoring the largest roll by keeping them all at bay, and leaping to the top of the couch to start her demoltion. Ben, generally silent in these moments had said, 

“Oh, fuck that,” swept in and picked her bodily off the couch to her laughing protests and spun her until the roll dropped onto the coffee table in a soggy lump which he promptly stole and ate in two bites while she punched him in the shoulder. BB barked loudly dancing around Ben’s feet, clearly wanting in on the play.

Finn gallantly took the next biggest roll and handed it up to her where she still hung over Ben’s shoulder. 

“Thank you,” she turned over so could slide down to the floor, socking Ben once in the shoulder than resuming her usual spot on the couch. “What will Poe think of us?” 

“He’s got eyes in his head,” Ben shrugged, turning to lock eyes with Poe. “I think he knows the score.” 

“Sure,” Poe said uneasily, the weight of that gaze on him so sudden and intense that he felt a little staggered. “You’re all a bunch of children.” 

“Don’t lump me in with them,” Finn protested, even as he sat in the vee of Ray’s legs. “I’m a respectable professional.” 

Ray kissed the top of his head, then rubbed away the spot of frosting she’d gotten in his hair. 

“I’m showering,” Ben decided, sweeping out of the room with the air of a wounded animal. 

“It’s my turn to go first,” Finn grumbled, but made no move to get up, apparently happy to be right where he was, Rey rubbing her hand slowly back and forth over his head. 

They were so happy together that Poe had to turn away. He went into his room to change for the day, shedding pajamas for worn jeans, plain white tshirt, and one of Finn’s plaid shirts. Their laundry had gotten mixed together early on and it seemed easier not to bother sorting it out. Rey had also acquired one of his old Air Force sweatshirts that swamped her and he’d made no move to get it back. 

When he re-emerged, Finn was on the couch, Rey’s feet in her lap. BB had her face in her bowl, munching contentedly. 

“We’re going to watch Top Chef and see if Finn’s head explodes,” Rey said merrily. “Want to join?” 

He probably should go to the bank and run other important errands. He crossed the room and slumped against the other arm of the couch. The first episode was twenty minutes and he was cackling wildly as Finn category ripped apart every dish and bad attitude. Ben reappeared, his still a little wet and clinging to his cheeks, yoga pants traded for sweatpants. 

“Top Chef?” he asked. 

“Finn’s left eyelid is twitching,” Poe offered. 

Ben went back into his room, re-emerged with his beading kit. He took in the couch compilation and sat down on the floor near Poe’s dangling leg (the other tucked under the opposing thigh). AS the show went on, Poe’s attention drifted to Ben’s hands. It was sort of hypnotic watching the needle pierce through the white carrying the jet beads through. The singular rose Ben had been working on the day Poe moved in had bloomed into an entire bouquet. 

“What’s it for?” he asked, curiosity finally bubbling past his respect for Ben’s silences. 

“Costume for foxtrot,” Ben said absently, picking up another bead delicately. “Rey won’t let me buy her new costumes, but we can change up the old ones. She wore this one to the Ohio Star Ball two years ago.” 

“Came in fourth,” Rey snorted. “No one remembers that dress.” 

“They remember it enough,” Ben pushed the needle through what Poe could sort of make out might be the bodice of a dress. “And you don’t want to be wearing an old costume when you get first place this year.” 

“Where’d you learn to embroider like that?” 

“Mom taught me,” he mumbled. “Got back into while I was in solitary.” 

“Cool,” he said for lack of anything better. “I knit in the winter sometimes. Too humid the rest of the year to have a pile of yarn on your lap.”

Ben tipped his head back, looked at him from that odd angle. It wasn’t really a beautiful face, but Poe couldn’t help admiring it anyway. Looking was okay. Looking didn’t mean anything. 

“Keeps me from punching people, why do you do it?” 

Poe considered that, “I get twitchy sometimes. Too much ‘go’ not enough places to get to.” 

“You fly a plane like that?” 

“Nah, flying levels me out. Always has.” 

“Dancing does that for me,” Rey smiled as Finn muttered something darkly on television. “Could be the worst day ever, then bam I’m right in that headspace.” 

They spent the whole morning like that, loosely piled together and relaxed. 

Back in the air with Jessika, halfway between home and elsewhere, he told her about it. The words sounded silly out loud, but she pat his arm and nodded, 

“That’s a good thing, you know. I guess that Ben guy wasn’t so scary after all, huh?” 

“Oh, no,” Poe snorted. “He’s still fucking terrifying. Embroidery is a red herring with that one.”

“Still. You seem to like him.” 

Poe did like him. What little Ben let anyone see was...likeable if you were into the dark weird type. 

“He could bench press me.” 

“Is that a turn on or a complaint?” 

Poe opened his mouth then shut it. The thought of Ben’s hands around him was startlingly appealing. He didn’t particularly like being manhandled. Really. Charlie hadn’t been up for it and the guys before had been one night stands and roughness had just been part of that. Right? Right...right. 

Right. 

“Uh, where did I lose you?” Jessika waved a hand in front of his face. 

“He could bench press me,” Poe repeated horrified. “Oh, fuck.” 

“...do you need me to take over?” 

He shook his head, refocusing on the instruments. It was just a crush. He had crushes all the time. Poe loved adoring people. He and Jessika had been aggressively flirting without intent for nearly a decade. He had a crush on Finn the size of a mountain and he had been working on a good one for Rey. He even had a crush on their relationship, the way they were with each other appealing in it's own right. So what if he had a crush on Ben? It didn’t mean anything more than that. 

“I’m good,” he decided. “All fine here.” 

“If you say so,” she eyed him dubiously. “Anyway, did I tell you about this woman I met yesterday? Literally six feet tall. I just wanted to climb her like a tree, but she had the personality of a glacier.” 

He got back into a chatting rhythm and hopefully that was the last of that conversation. Because there was nothing to talk about. 

Their paths don't cross for nearly another month anyway. When he came back from his latest trip, Rey and Ben were across the ocean doing an exhibition in Switzerland. He and Finn watched the Babadook and scared themselves so badly with it that they stayed up until 3AM playing cards. 

“I’m really glad you’re here,” Finn confessed in those wee hours, both of them half asleep where they sat. “I want Rey to do her thing, but it’s hard being alone so much.” 

“You going to travel with her this summer?” 

“Once camp ends,” Finn had picked up a summer teaching gig to cover the time with no paychecks. “Just the driving distance stuff. There’s a big ball or something in the city in a few weeks that I can swing.” 

“It’s hard to be the one that’s not around too,” he offered. Maybe he and Charlie hadn’t been a model couple, but it wasn’t like saying goodbye all the time was any easier. He’d hated packing up and leaving him behind almost as much as he would’ve hated staying on the ground. Almost. 

“I know, we talk about it a lot, but...it’s probably good. For her, anyway. She was tied to one place for so long, I think getting to go everywhere is good for awhile. And knowing she has a place to come home to.” 

“You made her a nice home,” Poe assured him, glad that some of the tension went out of Finn’s shoulders. 

“Thanks, man.” 

“I should be thanking you. I get to reap the benefits too.” 

“It’s just an okay apartment.” 

Poe pulled him into a one armed hug, gesturing around at where there was art hung on the walls (bought from a student show at Finn’s school), actual window treatments (hung while they were all away), and at long last a dining room table with charmingly mismatched chairs that Finn had scavanged from garage sales to Rey's effusive approval.

“This is my home too and you made it. So thanks.” 

Finn rested his head on Poe’s shoulder for a second, accepting and then froze, 

“Did you hear that?” 

All the earlier adrenaline pounded through Poe’s veins from the movie. 

“No-there’s nothing,” he decided. 

In the end, they both slept in Poe’s bed just for safety. And they fell asleep at six am which meant they woke up mid afternoon to Rey curled up around Finn’s back, barely clinging to the edge of the bed. 

“You’re home!” Finn said joyfully, turning to hug her and saving her from falling off the edge. 

“You watched a horror movie without me,” she whined and poked him in the ribs. “I LOVE horror movies.” 

“I know, sorry. I will really and truly never do it again,” he kissed her soundly, than yelped when Poe’s foot pushed against his back. 

“Please return to your own room for the welcome back festivities.” 

They tumbled away, but not before Rey pressed a quick kiss to Poe’s forehead, “Hi!” 

“Hi,” he chuckled, turning back into his pillow. “Nice to see you too.” 

Well and truly awake, he dragged himself upright to sort out something to eat. He could smell something cooking, which seemed impossible. Rey didn’t touch the kitchen and Finn hadn’t quite gotten to sleep cooking levels yet. 

So of course it was Ben standing shirtless in front of the oven, pajama pants barely clinging to his hips. 

“Hey,” Ben glanced up. “Want a grilled cheese?” 

“...yes,” he decided fervently. “Please.” 

“Good, I was going to make one for Rey...” Ben pointed to the closed door where a strangled moan followed by a giggle slipped through the crack. 

“Counter offer,” Poe grimaced. Usually they were pretty quiet or waited for everyone else to clear out or pass out. Clearly this was a big reunion. “Can I interest you in lunch far away from here?” 

“Fuck, yes.” Ben twisted the oven knob so hard, Poe was a little concerned it would break off in his hand. “I’m so jet lagged, I want twelve cups of coffee and I hate this coffeemaker.” 

They wound up walking, BB on a leash, bouncing between them gleefully. It was a gorgeous day, the first hint of summer in the air. There was a good diner a few blocks away and they didn’t care if Poe tied BB’s leash around one leg of the table. Hell, they offered her a bowl of water. Nice place. Good omelettes. 

It occurred to him only after they’d ordered, that he’d never actually been alone with Ben for any length of time. He wondered if it showed. If someone passing by would look at Ben, hunched possessive over his first cup of coffee with his black skinny jeans and ripped black tank top, eyes bruised a little purple with fatigue. Like a rock start just beginning his plumet down from success. Then they’d look at Poe, two days out with stubble, tired old jeans and a brightly colored v-neck. Probably they’d guess they were old friends, the kind that could be mismatched and still content in each other’s company. 

“How was Bern?” He asked to fill the rapidly awkward silence. 

“Eh,” Ben sipped his coffee. “Pretty stiff crowd, we were a little too unconventional for them. Rey ran into one of her new friends from the circuit, so mostly I was on my own. Did a lot of hotel time.” 

“Sounds familiar,” he pushed his sunglasses up. “People always ask what city I like to fly to best, and I feel silly telling them I don’t really see much. Not a lot of turn around time and I’m usually ready for bed anyway.”

“We did some extra days in Florence a few months ago. That was cool. Food was good.” 

That was good enough of a conversation starter. They talked about half-glimpsed cities and ways to kill time in hotels. Poe explained his HBO rule (if there was a movie on HBO that he hadn’t seen yet, he had to give it at least a half hour regardless of content) and Ben allowed that he might have a similar thing with touristy spots. 

“Whatever is listed eight on trip advisor, I have to do unless it’s just a park. You can’t imagine how many times it’s just a fucking park. I do wind up at a lot of zoos though.” 

“You like zoos?” 

“I’d like them more if I wasn’t the creepy single adult man skulking around,” he admitted, his lips twitching when Poe started laughing at him. 

By unspoken agreement, they walked the long way home. The conversation petered out, but the awkwardness had left. 

So they could be friends and that was great. Poe wanted to be friends. It softened the general air about the apartment and Rey stopped hanging around the couch every time Ben was outside his bedroom like he might pee on the carpet so that was good. 

They had a shared interest in black and white movies, they'd discovered. So sometimes they’d watch TMC when the others were sleeping, talking about other things they'd seen during the commercials. 

Poe was sure they could be friends. 

Until the middle of summer. When he finally found himself at the Skywalker Dance Studio. It was an inauspicious brick building on a crowded commercial road. The logo was a faded silhouette of a faceless couple stepping from one cartoon star to the next. But inside it was spotlessly clean. A cheery woman at the front desk greeted him as soon as he stepped inside. The waiting room was filled with people, mostly parents he guessed, chatting and looking at their phones. 

“I’m here to deliver dinner,” Poe held up a paper bag full of tupperware. Finn had been demoing food all day, so much so that even the ever voracious teens couldn’t clear it all. “For Rey?” 

“Oh, are you Poe?” the receptionist beamed at him. “I’m Rose. Rey says you’re a great roommate.” 

“That’s kind of her,” he held his hand out to shake. “Should I just wait out here?’ 

“You can go down the hall. There’s an observation window, she’ll see you when she wraps it up. Probably just giving the last word now.” 

So he slid down the hallway past two other observation windows that looked into large airy studio spaces. Ballet in the first for what looked like toddlers, which was adorable, and then some kind of tap for a group of very serious looking tweens. The third room did in fact boast a Rey at the front.

Two teenage couples were twirling around the floor, and coming to a stop under her watchful eye. Rey approached first one couple than another, clearly offering a word of praise before demonstrating something he couldn’t follow. The kids then tumbled out of the room. They were no longer elegant dance students, instead calling loudly for their parents and fumbling in their bags for their phones, teasing each other about their performances.

He took that his cue, stepping into the room, surprised by how much his shoes echoed on the bar floor. Rey was drinking a bottle of water and looked up with a pleased smile, 

“Poe! Finn said you were bringing dinner. Thanks for playing delivery boy.” 

“It’s fine, I had to be in the area to pick up my dry cleaning anyway. Do you have enough time to eat?” 

“I’m done with classes for the night,” she made gimmie hands at the bag and he turned it over. “Did you want to stay and share?” 

“I was already force fed my portion.” 

“We’ve got to do some practice tonight. Probably at least two hours. You’re welcome to stay and watch. There’s a chair by the sound system that’s out of the way.” 

“I don’t want to be in your way.” 

“Don’t worry about it,” she was already folding down onto the floor, pulling the plastic fork out of the bag triumphantly. “Aw, he packed me a diet coke! ...and he wrote me a note on the napkin....” 

She showed him the heart with a ‘can’t wait to see you tonight -F’ scrawled in it. 

“That’s very sweet,” he allowed. His mother used to do that, he dimly recalled. Little cartoons drawn on his napkins that she must’ve done days ahead of time so they were ready for when she was away. His dad was always the one that packed his lunches, diligent in including every heartfelt silly note. He sort of lost track of what Rey was saying for a second.

“Anyway, you should totally stay if you want to," she concluded. 

He sort of did want to after all these months of hearing them talk about routines and point scoring that went over his head. The idea of points for dancing at all still struck him as weird. His dancing was reserved for clubs where the point was definitely a different kind of scoring. 

She ate fairly sparingly for Rey, regretfully setting aside the rest for later. 

“I hate feeling totally full when I’m dancing. Throws me off.” 

The door opened and Ben stepped in, his eyes sweeping over Poe with a raised eyebrow. 

“I thought we were practicing.” 

“We are. Poe brought me dinner,” she got to her feet. “Can we start with the new Standard? I really didn’t like how it felt. “ 

Ben sighed, “All right.” 

She fidgeted with her phone and then plugged it into something on the sound system before handing it to Poe, “Can you press play and stop when we call it? It’d be a huge help.” 

“Once through all the way first,” Ben said like he’d had to remind her a thousand times. 

“I can do that,” Poe took it, glancing down at the song title. He was surprised to recognize it. He’d imagined it was all classical music. 

Rey and Ben went to the back of the room, almost as far apart as they could be and still hold hands. As if a switch had been turned on, a beauty pageant smile emerged on Rey’s face that looked almost painful. 

“Play,” she called out without moving her lips much. Freaky. He hit play. 

The strains of _Moon River_ on violin drifted into the performance space. They turned into each other, Rey sliding close, her neck bending back. Ben slid his arms around her, took up her hand. 

They waltzed, their bodies a beautiful shape together, even with Rey’s rictus smile. At one point, Ben dipped her low in a smooth semicircle and Poe had to hold back on applauding. It was really masterful, the way they moved together, their feet always in a space that the other had just left. The song came to an end and Ben rolled her out and they held still for a bare second before, 

“Ugh,” Rey’s face crumpled. “I don’t like the middle footwork.” 

“I reworked it twice,” Ben grumbled. “I’m not sure what’s wrong with it.” 

After that, Poe was very much on duty, scrolling back and forth between the same twenty seconds as they practiced some kick combination. It was almost sort of boring. Just like watching your friends run drills in any sport, he thought. 

“Let’s just run it through again,” she decided. “From the top Poe.” 

He couldn’t see much difference the second full time around though he did notice that Ben had paused to put his hair up in a bun that left the nape of his neck pale and exposed. 

“Boring!” a voice cut through the air. Rey and Ben froze mid-turn. In the doorway was an older gentleman with a busy uneven beard and tired eyes. “You two are never boring, why are you being boring?” 

“The footwork-” Rey started. 

“To hell with the footwork,” the man stayed in the doorway. “You’re bored so it’s boring.” 

Neither of them protested, still paused halfway through a dip. 

“We need to have the Standard ready for Blackpool,” Rey pointed out. 

“Your worried about May? In July? Who are you and what’ve you done with my Rey?”

“I just-” 

“No,” he shook a finger at her, “if you’re not having fun then what’s the point? You’re already a sought after teacher, you’ll win competitions doing half the work you do now because you’re good. So if you’re not having fun why bother? What’s still fun?” 

Rey opened her mouth then shut it again. 

“Rising Sun” Ben practically whispered. He didn’t seem intimidated by the man before him...just sort of vulnerable. Rounded in on himself. 

“It’s not really ready though.” 

“It’s fun,” Ben said a little more firmly. “Isn’t it?” 

“Yeah,” she elbowed him gently, “yeah it’s fun. Let’s do it. Poe, it’s on the playlist.” 

He scrolled down and there was the words ‘House of the Rising Sun’ by some cover band he’d never heard of. He pressed play. 

Rey let the fake smile drop in place of a sly one. They moved apart again, but this time they didn’t come right back together. Instead of the perfect oval of his arms, Ben relaxed into a lean, one foot already out. 

And there was a story. They parted and came together. At first Ben pursued her, holding out his hand, twirling her in, dipping her so low that if her hair had been down it would’ve brushed the floor. Then he released her, almost pushing her away as he swirled outward, nearly out of control. She turned her back on him, did an amazing arching kick that brought her almost as low as the dip. Ben turned his back on her, chin bucking up defiant. Then he looked back, once...twice. And she was facing him, this time her hand extended. 

Ben copied her lean back and went down down and Poe’s jaw dropped. All that yoga really paid off. Rey did some fancy footwork, moving back into this orbit and Ben was pulled up by her gravity. He took not her hand, but her wrist and she his and they moved into a whirling turn that seemed impossible as the music came to a jarring end. 

When it ended, the old man applauded, “Ben is that your choreo?” 

Ben nodded, breathing only a little harder than usual. 

“It’s good,” the man decreed and Ben looked so shocked that Poe’s heart ached for him. “Very good. A little melodramatic, but I think that’ll play well.” 

“I think so too,” Rey said, the sparkle back in her eyes. 

“All right, now let’s try the waltz again.” 

And Poe couldn’t put his finger on it, but it was better somehow. Maybe it was Ben’s soft almost there smile. They were still in that formal bowed position, their bodies aligned just so, but there was something...just more about and it he wished he had the words to explain it. 

“See how balanced they are?” the older man had stepped nearer to Poe without him realizing. “Each dancer, every person really, has a center point of balance and where that point goes their feet will wish to follow. So you have to control that, be utterly aware of it and at the same time not think of it all. That’s a trick they’re both good at.” 

Poe watched, well aware of how in tune with their bodies the pair were, how even when they weren’t dancing they moved in elegant lines. Like when Rey was dashing across the apartment to stop BB from eating her sandwich or Ben was beelining to steal the first shower again. 

“But what makes them special, what makes all great partners special...” the man sighed, “at least in my hardly notable opinion anyway, is that they’re keenly aware of each other’s center of balance.” 

Poe tried to imagine being that in sync with another person, to know where they were connected to the ground and move with it. 

“I’m Poe,” he said quietly. 

“I know,” the man glanced down at him. “Luke. And that was better.” He said the last louder as the waltz came to an end. 

“Thanks,” Rey stretched on arm up over her head. “It felt better.” 

Luke nodded and walked back toward the door. He hesitated as he passed them. Gave Rey a quick pat on the shoulder. He glanced up at Ben, then gave a quick nod before leaving entirely. 

“Fuck,” Ben sat straight down on the floor. 

“Water break,” Rey said brightly, stepping over him. “I’ll get us refills.” 

She left the room, leaving Ben on the floor and Poe very confused. 

“Are you okay?” he stood up, surprised at how stiff he was. A glance at the clock spoke of time passing he hadn’t fully felt. 

“That’s the first time he's talked to me in ten years,” Ben choked out. “He only agreed to let me back into Skywalker last month, we’ve been practicing in a different studio.” 

“Why?” Poe asked, helpless to stop himself. 

“I wrecked this place once,” Ben glanced up at him, a furious red streaking his cheeks. “I was a champion in my age bracket. One of the best in the country. But I was...has anyone told you this yet?” 

Poe shook his head and for lack of choices sat down beside him. 

“My parents were fighting a lot. I felt...you know. At the time it felt like I was the loneliest worst treated kid in the world, practicing all the time for something barely anyone cared about, least of all my Dad...now I think it was stuff most teenagers wrestle with and I was just so angry all the time,” he scrubbed a hand over his face. “I got groomed by this..it doesn’t matter. He got me hooked on coke and I started dealing it. Coke and anger are a shitty pair.” 

“Yeah, I can imagine,” Poe winced. 

“I thought I was the shit. The coke let me stay up and practice constantly. I wore out all my partners. Hard thing to do, guys are way outnumbered by girls, but they all quit on me anyway. When Luke told me he wouldn’t enter me into competitions anymore...it was in room one. In front of a class of kids. I broke every single mirror in the place. Broke this boy’s arm when he tried to stop me.” 

“Shit,” he tried to imagine the Ben he knew raging out like that. He found, chillingly, that he could picture it. Something in the way he clenched his jaw, but never his fists when he was frustrated. The way he would deliberately flatten his hands, watching as they shook. 

“Luke called the cops on me. But I got my head together enough to leave before they got here. I went back to...him, started living with him rather than go home,” he looked at the ground. “I met Rey then. I couldn't stop dancing... I went to these shitty little amateur events where they made up matches on the spot. She was so good...didn’t even have real costume or a spot of makeup and we still won. She was practically homeless so I offered her a place with me.” 

“She said no,” Poe said with certainty. 

“Yeah,” Ben snorted. “She said no. Again and again. And I got lower and lower. She got higher and higher. The kind of amateur events that are practically pro. I used to go and sit in the audience...fuck, I was just a creep. But it felt good to watch her. She was at some big one...can never remember which I was high out of my mind. Her partner ditched her at the last second. I decided to swoop in. Save her. ” 

“She must’ve loved that.” 

“Judges too,” Ben heaved a sigh. “We finished the heat and she slapped the crap out of me in front of everyone. She said...” 

“I don’t dance with criminals,” Rey recited from the doorway. 

“Right,” Ben’s eyes magnetized to her. “Few days later, I’m standing outside some FBI stiff’s office spilling my guts and I wasn’t even sure why. She’d walked me there.” 

“Turning state’s evidence on a huge drug operation is apparently a good way to get off lightly,” Rey plopped down on Ben’s other side and handed over his water bottle. “Three years in the clink and two on probation.” 

“And now here we are,” she leaned into him. “He liked your choreography.” 

“He did,” Ben lifted his water bottle and touched it to hers. 

“I liked it too,” Poe added. “Not that my opinion means jackshit here.” 

“It means something,” Ben’s knee touched his. 

“Wow, heavy,” Rey poured half the water down her throat. “We’re not going to get more done tonight. So let’s do something else fun! Luke is right, we’ve been sad sacks the past few weeks in here.” 

“What are you thinking?” 

“I was thinking we teach Poe a few things.” 

“No, I’m good,” he protested. “I know how to grind and get low and I’m good with that.” 

“You can’t live in our place for more than six months and not know a few steps,” she got to her feet, reaching for her phone. “I taught Finn a basic waltz ages ago. He picked it up really fast.” 

“You’re playing on my competitive streak,” he groaned. 

“Is it working?” 

“....yes.” 

She turned on the vaguely classical music he’d been expecting earlier, “Up, up then.” 

They both got to their feet. Ben turned to face him and held out one hand. 

“Uh...” 

“I can’t dance with you,” Rey had a sly smile on her face. Poe liked even less than the beauty pageant one. “I’m the only qualified teacher in the room.” 

Ben shot her a look that could wither plants. 

“I’m good with not if you don’t want to-” Poe started. 

“No, it’s fine. Rey just thinks she’s funny.”

“Rey is hilarious,” she cackled. “But merciful, so Ben you can lead.” 

“Gee, thanks.” 

Their hands joined together. Ben slid his arm across his shoulders, resting his broad hand just between them. Their eyes locked. Rey demonstrated the steps, but they were simple. Easy with Ben guiding him. 

Poe didn’t even have to look at his feet. 

Mad, bad and dangerous to know. But trying hard, Poe realized, to not be. To be someone that let his partner boss him around without snapping. Someone that wanted approval from the uncle he’d lashed out against. Someone that wanted to be better. 

Someone with dark eyes framed by sooty lashes and lips parted slightly by the exertion. Who had tendrils of dark hair escaping his hair tie. Someone who was holding him with a fraction of his strength, but still supporting him completely. Ben counted under his breath, so Poe could hear it. He moved slowly, and then faster when he was sure Poe had the way of it. Faster until they had caught up with the music's tempo. 

Ben was trying to show him how he flew. 

“See! I knew you’d be a natural,” Rey hugged him as Ben released him, one finger moving slower than the others, dragging along Poe’s palm. “You should take some classes.” 

“No,” Poe’s eyes were on Ben, who had turned away to blot non-existent sweat off his face. He had curved his hand around that broad shoulder now, felt the warmth of his skin through the thin t-shirt. His palm tingled. “I think this was just the right amount for me.” 

A real smile curved on Ben's lips, visible in the mirrors. It changed the shape of his face, made him look younger and lighter. 

Yeah, this whole friendship thing was not going to work.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains discussion of past- violence between main characters.

Poe drove them to the competition in the city. They had the windows down even though the manufacturing plants made the air stink because the early morning air felt good on their faces. In the backseat, Rey had her head down on Finn’s shoulder, half-asleep while Finn reads her something off his phone. The world was still waking up, the sun not fully heaved above the horizon. 

In the passenger seat, Ben’s hair whipped around in the wind. He had one hand out the window, letting air run between his fingers. Mirrored sunglasses perched on the crown of his head, a visor ready to slide down at a moment’s notice to block out the world. 

“Are you nervous?” Poe asked over the rushing noise, not sure if he was audible, but not wanting to yell. 

Ben turned in his seat, and Poe could feel his attention. The weight of his eyes on him. 

“Are you nervous when you fly?” And Ben’s voice was almost lost, too low and almost too soft. 

“Not anymore,” he lazily gave the finger to a guy tailgating him. “I get a little excited for take off. Leaving the ground.” 

“I get nervous when it’s over,” was the response after some silence. “Going in and doing it...that’s just what my body does. Afterwards, the judgement...that’s hard.” 

“You always seem so confident that you’ll win.” 

“How confident are you that you’ll land?” 

“Little different. Objects that go up, eventually come down one way or another. No one’s grading me as long as everyone makes it out close to how they came in.” 

Ben was quiet again and Poe risked a glance over. He had slid the sunglasses down, but he was still angled toward Poe. Still focused. 

“I believe we’ll win. I can’t make everyone else believe it too.” 

The venue was some hotel that Poe promptly forgot the name of. The event was in a ballroom that probably wasn’t in the habit of actually being for balls. Today it had dressed itself accordingly though, with tables set around the edges of a generous dance floor. There were people already racing around, working with electronics, shouting with clipboards, and arranged flowers on the dais. Rey and Ben took a quick walk around the floor, testing for who knew what, before going into a backstage area. 

“They’ll be hours,” Finn shrugged. “We can come back closer to competition time to score seats. Want to get breakfast?” 

They ate bagels warm out of the oven and sat in the park, like any other tourists. They people-watched for awhile, running commentary on where each might be off to with increasingly wild fictions. 

“Glad you could get off today,” Finn glanced at him. 

“Yeah it worked out well,” he said nonchalantly. As he if hadn’t gone out of his way to use his untouched PTO and checked twice that he was off the emergency call list. 

“That’s cool. I’ll have someone who’s also totally confused to hang out with.” 

It was confusing when they made their way back. They had seats with a decent view of the floor. Announcements rang out about times and heats and rule reminders. Cameras came to life, one right over their heads and spotlights started to dance across the otherwise darkened room. If he hadn’t just come in from the bright sun, he would’ve assumed it was midnight. 

The kid’s went up first. They looked like dolls, done up in costumes. A few of them collided with each other or froze up, but for the most part they were like shrunken pros, doing all the little steps. 

“When I was that age, I broke my arm climbing over a fence that was three feet tall,” he whispered to Finn. 

“I was gluing my fingers together in class because it felt cool to peel the dried stuff off.” 

“Oh, same.” 

There were a lot of dances that didn’t have Rey and Ben in them. Occasionally though, Luke appeared on the sidelines, running a scrupulous eye over one competitor or another. When they were over, instead of running to their parents they came to him. He leaned in speaking swiftly, before releasing them. 

“Here we go,” Finn nudged him. “Foxtrot.” 

Tons of tulle and sparkle filled the floors. It seemed like too many bodies for the space, especially as soon as they started moving. 

It didn’t matter. His eyes were on Ben and Rey almost immediately. He’d seen Rey’s costume before in various stages of construction, but it looked great on. The fabric was viciously white and the black beadwork stood stark against it. Her hair was slicked back into some complicated ponytail bun combination. She looked good, confident and at ease. 

But Ben. 

Poe hadn’t seen Ben’s costume before. He’s mentally ascribed some kind of tuxedo because he’d seen a few come in and out from the dry cleaners, but this was something else. It was purposeful dishevelment, a costume of disarray. The black blazer had been tailored to cling even as it hung open, the white beaded roses catching the light. The undone tie must’ve been sewn down so it only barely fluttered as they moved through their twists and spins. The way the top two buttons of his shirt were undone to reveal the hollow of his throat, the hint of his collarbones. 

The music stopped. Poe blinked. 

“It’s over?” 

“First round,” Finn pointed at the boards. “They qualified for the next round. No surprise there. We can get lunch for now. They probably won’t dance again for a bit.” 

That was how the day went. Out into the sunshine or the lobby for a snack or to stretch their legs and then a dip back into the midnight ballroom. 

“Finn!” Rose appeared when they stepped out around two “Oh, hey Poe nice to see you again.” 

“Nice to see you too. You’re here with Luke?” 

“Yes,” she wiggled an enormous bag at them that clanked. “I’m the official schlepper for all the things the students can forget. Rey thought you guys might want to step in the back for a second to say hi. They’re eating lunch now.” 

They followed her back through the halls, the rising sound of chatter swelling to great them. Apparently just next store to the main ballroom, an entire conference room and been converted into an enormous dressing room with privacy screens tucked in the corners, feathers and sequins draped every which way. Rey and Ben were in a corner, surrounded by coats and bags sharing a truly enormous tub of tuna fish salad. Rey was in an enormous black robe, that swam around her as she got up to greet Finn. 

“Did you see us almost accidentally take out that poor woman in the yellow?” she was saying and they were off and running, talking and exchanging kisses. 

Ben’s attention remained on his food, He was out of costume entirely, in just loose pants and zipped up sweatshirt that apparently had nothing underneath. Poe sat beside him and couldn’t help, but lean in to study the ingenious way his hair was done. Slicked and pinned beneath itself so that it looked as clean cut as any of the other men on the floor. 

“Half a bottle of gel and a lot of bobbypins,” Ben glanced at him. “Having fun at there?” 

“I have no idea what the fuck is happening,” he said merrily. “But you guys seem like you’re doing well so hooray team.” 

“We are,” Ben snorted. “I’ll link you a wiki, cretin.” 

“Sure thing,” Poe went on studying his face. There was eyeliner there, probably subtle to start, but smudged with sweat. It intensified the black of his eyes, made them wider too. “I used to wear eyeliner to clubs as a kid. Didn’t look that good.” 

They hadn’t talked about the new curl of tension between them since that night at the studio a month ago. Maybe it was entirely one sided. Ben danced all the time, it was nothing to him to swing someone around the floor for a few minutes. 

But now, Ben was looking at him the way he had a few times since then. Speculative. Interested. 

“I bet you’d do it better now,” he said in that soft, almost menacing way he had. “You’ve got steady hands and it takes time to do it right. Or someone else to do it for you.” 

The vivid flash of an image came to his mind’s eye. Sitting on the sink with his college fuck buddy, laughing and pushing at each other, tubes of someone else’s makeup falling to the floor as their failed experimenation ran down their faces. It would be entirely different with Ben. There’d be a chair for one thing. A window with natural light. Quiet. The smooth pain and Ben’s face so close, close enough to watch the angle of a line over his eyes, breath mingling together. Maybe Ben’s hand cupping his chin to hold him still. 

“I’ll have to find a place to go first. Somewhere to show off.” 

“Exhibitionist.” 

“Says the man about to go shake his ass professionally.” 

“Takes one to know one,” Ben leaned in, stabbing into his lunch. “At least if we win, I get paid. What do you get?” 

“The pleasure of company, usually,” Poe said simply. “If I’m lucky. Haven’t tried in awhile.” 

“Why not?” 

And wasn’t that the big question? 

“Out of the habit, I guess. I was with my last boyfriend for a few years,” he shrugged. “And I don’t know...I think I’m at the point in my life where I’d prefer a lasting connection. What about you?” 

“My tragic backstory makes it difficult to date,” Ben said dryly. “Combine that with the ongoing loathing of the human race as a whole, and an intense dislike of small talk, my Gindr profile never got off the ground.”

“Some guys are into all that,” he pointed out. He’d been fairly sure Ben was a least passingly interested in men, but it was nice to get solid confirmation. That he didn’t need. Stop trying to stick your hand in the garbage disposal, Dameron. 

“Not the kind I want to be with,” Ben glanced at Poe and away. His eyes tracked Rey, who was making the rounds with Finn in two, gleefully introducing him to anyone that would listen. 

“I’m trying to imagine Ben Solo’s perfect man...Rey with a beard?” 

Ben’s focus snapped back to him and the force of it almost had him scooting back. But Poe had stared down scarier things in his time. He stared right back. 

“It’s not like that,” Ben bit off. “With me and her. Why does everyone think that?” 

“Because your lives are completely enmeshed?” he shrugged. “And you stare at her a truly uncomfortable amount.” 

“I do?” the intense stare melted away. 

“Yeah, man. I don’t think she cares or she would’ve told you by now,” Poe shrugged. “Not like she pulls punches.” 

“I know. Who do you think gave me this scar?” 

“Is that a Joker reference?” Poe hoped not. Ben really could not be that big of a parody of himself. 

“No, asshole, literally,” he grimaced. 

“Rey cut your face open?” his mouth gaped open. 

“I told you she slapped me that one time...she had a huge ring on. Glitz costume bullshit for her performance.” 

“There’s no way it was just a ring.” 

“Google it if you don’t believe me,” Ben picked up his fork again, apparently done with the conversation which was good because Poe’s head was spinning from the whiplash. “There’s a video probably still up. She still keeps the ring with her trophies.” 

“Our Rey?” 

Ben shoved tuna in his mouth, chewed, swallowed, “She’s only human. I pushed her too far.” 

As soon as they’re shooed out of the backroom, Poe googled rapidly. The video was called ‘The Slap that Shook ProAm’ and it had a couple of thousand views. It was a blurry thirty seconds on a bad camera phone. It was clearly focused on another set of dancers seconds before, jerking over in the first seconds to focus in on Rey and Ben. Rey was clearly furious even in the washed out light, yelling and possibly crying, it was hard to tell. Ben’s lips moved, his stance cocky, chin up like he owned the world. He took her wrist, holding it. 

She spat out something and then he replied. She went rigid, clearly electrified with anger, pulled herself back fast, breaking his grip and used the momentum to return with a backhand so hard Poe felt it in his bones. Ben put a hand to his cheek, red blooming even in the washed out light. 

“I thought he got it in a knife fight or something,” Finn was looking over his shoulder, eyes wide. “She never said she did it. Guess she wouldn’t though.” 

“Sounded like he earned it.” 

“Don’t doubt that,” Finn hit play again. They watched, momentarily transfixed by the intensity. The pure rage that had sprung up between them. 

“What do you think changed?” 

“Between them? Who knows? Rey doesn’t talk about it a lot and I try not to push.” 

Minutes later they were watching them on the dance floor again, alive and older and no one bleeding at all. Instead they were splashing their glam at the crowd, waltzing their way to victory. 

They rode home late, after photos and handshakes and gathering things together. Rey and Finn crawled into the backseat again, asleep by the time the Lincoln Tunnel spat them out. Ben’s eyes were closed, but his fingers were beating against his thigh. A rhythm for music that wasn’t playing. 

“Sometimes when I land after a good flight, all I want to do is get right back in the air,” he said quietly, listening the even breathing in the backseat.   
“What do you do instead?” Ben asked equally quiet, their voices intimately low, stirring through the darkness. 

“Used to be I’d pick up BB and take her for a long walk. Go somewhere that someone knows my name. Remind myself why it’s good to have a home base.” 

“I got to the gym sometimes, when I can’t sit still enough to do beadwork. Late night hotel gyms are the best. No one else is there.” 

“Sounds lonely.” 

“That’s why I look for her, I guess,” Ben was looking straight out the windshield. “To remind myself that I’m not.” 

“You didn’t answer my question before, which is fair, but you can now.” 

“What question?” the fingers paused. 

“What’s your perfect match like? What do you want?” 

“Not Rey.” 

“Yeah, I got that, still not clear why.” 

“Imagine someone that sees you. Really sees you,” Ben said, bitterness in his voice, “Who knows you better than you know yourself and you know them like that too. There’s no mystery, no lying, definitely no secrets. They know every dark, seedy corner of your brain and you know theirs. You want to fuck that person?” 

“I thought being known was exactly what people want in love.” 

“People are fucking stupid,” the snort was a violent punctuation. “It’s not sexy. You either kill each other or find a way to live with it.” 

“I guess I’ll take your word for it. So what do you want then?”

“What do I want?” Ben tilted his head back a little, considering. “I used to want things constantly. If you’d asked me that six years ago, I’d have a list a mile long.” 

“And now?” 

“I want someone kind,” he said after a pause. “I’m not. Kind. And it’d be good to have someone like that as long as they could stand up for themselves.” 

“Yeah, kind is good,” the answer left him wrong-footed all over again. 

“And what about you? What does Poe Dameron look for in a date?” 

“Huh,” he gave it thought, unwilling to treat it with any less weight than Ben had. “But I’m with you, the older I get the less clear the picture is somehow. There’s no type really. I just want someone who’s good to me and I want to be good to. And some excitement. And I don’t know...someone who doesn’t mind when I leave, but seems happy when I get back.” 

“Sounds like you already found them,” and Ben sounded far too amused for that be flirtation. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Poe, you just described your relationship with your dog.” 

“...well it is the best and longest relationship I’ve ever had,” he allowed with a chuckle. “She’s a good girl.” 

“Maybe dogs are better anyway. Less judgemental than people.” 

“It’s not the same though, not really.” 

“I know,” Ben’s fingers had stopped tapping. “And I really really miss sex. Like a lot. A lot.” 

“Fucking tell me about it,” Poe groaned. 

“Do you think-” Ben started then stopped. 

“I think about a lot,” he glanced at him. At the slim, still fingers, so pale against the black cloth of his jeans. He thought about a slash of red on a blooming cheek, rage like a fire. He thought about those fingers pulling a tiny bead over soft white cloth. That hand on his back, holding him up as sure and strong as a tree. Maybe it wasn't a garbage disposal at all. Maybe it was a jump. A leap into the unknown over a deep crevasse. “Finn's taking Rey out tomorrow night for an anniversary thing.” 

“So?” Petulance now. Irritation. At himself or Poe?

“So. Place to ourselves. I can make dinner if you want.” 

“I don’t go hungry when Finn doesn’t cook,” Ben scoffed. “I can take care of myself."

“Sure, but I want to. I make my dad’s recipes sometimes. Haven't had a chance in awhile.” 

“Just...give me something to do then. I’ll help.” 

“That’d be good. We can watch something after. They’ll be time, we can each pick a film. Sound good?” 

“I guess,” Ben glanced at him sidelong. “Dinner and a movie?” 

“Dinner and a movie.” 

“Oh,” and there was that sweet smile that lasted for a bare few seconds before drifting away. “Yeah. That sounds really good.” 

They drove the rest of the way home in a new kind of silence. It felt a little like the seconds before takeoff.


	4. Chapter 4

The recipe binder thumped down on the counter with a satisfying noise. Ben was on one of the island stools, leaning in to read the permanent marker scrawled across the yellowing paper shoved in front pocket. 

“The Dameron Family Cookbook,” he read off. “By Kes and Poe, with special guest star Nana.” 

“I never met her,” Poe opened the binder, holding some of the looser pages in as they threatened to break away from the metal rings. “But Dad got some of her recipes off my aunt when we started making dinner together.” 

“My parents never cooked,” Ben said offhandedly as if this wasn’t the first time he’d ever even inferred he had parents. 

“My mom didn’t,” Poe smiled fondly. “She did always know the best places to eat out though. And she knew her way around the dishwasher.” 

“You said she flew too?” 

“Uh huh, she was a short hop pilot. Worked for a bunch of different airlines. Sometimes she’d just take me out of school and we’d use her free seats to go to new cities for a few days, just the two of us,” he touched the faded pages. “But Dad did a lot of the day to day stuff. Like dinner most nights.” 

Ben studied the top few, “Are you fluent?” he pointed to the recipe printed down in Spanish. 

“Mmhm, mostly what we spoke at home.” he paged through carefully, “in the mood for anything?” 

“Whatever you feel like making is fine,” Ben shrugged. Poe tried to think if he’d ever expressed an opinion about food, but seemingly to Ben all food was acceptable food as long as he got enough of it. 

He didn’t linger over some of the pages with handwriting like he might if he was on his own. No maudlin thoughts tonight. 

“Oh, wait,” Ben leaned in studying a page. It was a photocopy from a recipe book, four stars drawn in one of the margins. “Is there coffee in this?”

“There is,” he turned it so he could see it. “But it’s a marinade. The roast beef has to sit in it overnight.”

“Counter offer,” Ben glanced up at him, the words ringing familiar, “prep this for dinner. We go out.” 

Out. Poe found himself nodding in agreement before he fully processed it. He wasn’t sure how tonight was going to go down. Wasn’t even entirely sure Ben had understood what he’d implied with the invitation the day before. But he must’ve. Out was...out. 

“Got a place in mind?” 

“Yeah. Mind driving?” 

It was a town over, Ben giving directions in the way that someone too familiar with an area would. No street names and sometimes forgetting that Poe didn’t know how to get there on his own. The restaurant looked like it had been there a very long time, the signage old and peeling, but the inside was freshly done up. The hostess smiled when they came in, 

“Hey, Benny. Your table is free,” she tilted her head, “For two tonight?” 

“Yes,” the back of Ben’s hand brushed against Poe’s. “Please.”

The table was tucked in the back by the kitchen, the clatter of voices, pots and pans fading in and out as they settled in. They weren’t given menus, but two very large glasses of sweating unsweetened iced tea were set down. 

“Do you have any allergies, honey?” the hostess asked, apparently directed at Poe. 

“No, lucky that way.” 

“Great! Tiny’s been working on some new apps. Hope you like small plates!” She walked into the kitchen, and he half-heard her calling out to someone. 

“So, do we get a say in this?” 

“I can tell them to bring you a menu if you want,” Ben shrugged. “But it’s more fun this way.” 

This way turned out to be plate after plate of delicious bites. Toastinis with creamy cheeses, spicy beef sitting inside half a tomato, shrimp soaked in butter, ribbons of zucchini with some kind of vinegar sauce, and it just kept coming. 

“What is happening?” he asked baffled after finishing off a meatball that wept cheese when he opened it. 

“Uh, it’s a thing?” Ben offered, look squirrely. 

“Yes, I’m glad we can agree that this is a thing that is happening.” 

“A thing where I sort of-” 

“Benny!” A very tall man with bushy eyebrows came out of the kitchen. “I heard you have a guest.” 

“Poe this is Tiny. Tiny, this is Poe,” Ben gave a half-hearted gesture between them. 

“I thought it might be Rey,” Tiny poked Ben. “Where is my girl? I never see her anymore. Tell her I miss her.”

“She’s got a boyfriend.” 

"Nothing says a woman has to limit herself to one." 

"I'll tell her you said so," Ben coughed. 

“Did you like the food?” Tiny turned to Poe. 

“It’s all been delicious. The zucchini was interesting.” 

“Quick pickled,” Tiny nodded. “I don’t intend to serve it on it’s own.” 

He asked a few more questions about the food, none actually directed at Ben, then clapped them both on the shoulder and disappeared back into the kitchen. Poe turned back to Ben, 

“So...” 

“It’s not a...” Ben started then stopped. “I used to live down the street. When things were...anyway. I came in here a lot to get some space. They let me sit for as long as I needed. Didn’t bother me. When I was inside, I kept thinking about what I wanted to do when I got out and all I could think about was eating here because that felt normal. Doable. And then I got out and it was just...gone. Totally shuttered. They’d gotten in over their head’s on the rent...so I fixed it.” 

“You fixed it how?” Poe blinked. 

Ben looked away, “Just did.”

“Anything that I’m thinking now has got to be worse than what you actually did.” 

“It wasn’t bad!” was the quick protest. “Just...I have money.” 

“I figured you did,” Poe laughed. “No one dresses like you, travels like you do, and doen't work unless they’re really enjoying debt building. I assumed you had something.” 

“Okay,” Ben looked a little relieved, “I thought you might think...I don’t know. But yeah, I fixed it with money. So they could re-open. And now I can have dinner here and Tiny just keeps feeding me until I tell him to stop.” 

“But you don’t do that much,” he surmised. 

“Just on special occasions.” Ben looked at him from under his eyelashes and Poe reached across the table. Slid his hand over long pale fingers. 

“Thanks. It was great.” 

“Still want to watch movies when we get back?” Ben didn’t move, keeping still as if Poe might stop if he did. 

“Counter-offer,” Poe grinned. “Let’s go dancing.” 

“Thought you'd have your fill of watching me this weekend.” 

“Haven't, but not what I meant. My kind of dancing. It’s Saturday night, there’s got to be some kind of club around here.” 

“I’m not good at that kind of dancing. That’s like..asking you fly a helicopter.” 

“I can fly a helicopter,” Poe grinned. “I stole one once. I’ll tell you about it another time.”

“You definitely will,” Ben’s eyes lit up. “Okay then it’s like asking you fly a hot air balloon.” 

“Fairground job in the summer of my sophomore year.” 

“It was not.” 

“I have pictures to prove it.” 

“Hang-gliding.” 

“Gone a few times, not my favorite, but it has its moments.” 

“Jumbo jet.” 

“I’m licensed to fly most commercial planes. If the Air Force had one, I probably got my hands on it and in the air at least once,” he tapped Ben’s hand with one finger. “Went up in a real WWII era Wildcat a few times for an air show. Basically if it gets lift than I can pilot it.”

“So what you’re saying is that I should get over myself and go dancing with you?” 

“I bet you’ll be gorgeous.” 

And he was. They find a club nearby that’s half-dead, just starting to edge to prime time, but the music was already thumping. There’s two bartenders already building drinks. 

“Liquid courage?” He offered with a laugh when they came in. 

“Can’t drink,” Ben eyed the bar like it might jump out and bite him. 

“I shouldn’t either if I'm driving us back,” he decided, pulling Ben reluctantly onto the nearly empty dance floor. There’s just a few other early birds, milling around, exchanging words yelled over the music. 

“We’ll look ridiculous,” Ben had to shout. “We’re not even dressed for this.” 

“You’re kidding right?,” Poe laughed, touching the sleeve of Ben’s artfully torn black t-shirt, “you’re whole wardrbe says 'dressed for this'. And I could give a fuck what people think I look like.” 

He let the beat work it’s way into his shoulders, eyes half-lidded as he started to banish his surroundings in favor of the music. But he couldn’t go completely away because there was Ben to watch. Ben who was studying him and then slowly, mirroring him. He picked it up fast, no surprise there. Poe grinned, unbuttoned his shirt another button and let the music ride down his spine into his hips. 

Ben followed. 

The feral precision of the ballroom was still there, but it worked differently here. No Rey to balance him, no judges keeping watch or abrupt end to the music. It was one song liquid into another. The club started to fill, the dance floor swelling. Soon there’s no keeping to their own separate spaces, their bodies drawing inexorably closer to each other. 

“Can I?” Poe hovered his hands at Ben’s waist. Ben’s hands were on top of his in answer, pulling him in. 

The height difference made things interesting. Poe could feel the harsh jut of hip bone beneath skin tight jeans, misaligned to his by several inches. The way Ben could curve easily around him, a human wall against the crowd. There was a promise of how they might slot together in other ways, a muscular thigh slotted between his own, the wings of shoulder blades that might cradle his head. 

It wasn’t anything like the careful distance of the waltz. The heady atmosphere of ceaseless music and the press of the crowd had made him a little lightheaded and euphoric. Ben wound him closer as a woman threatened to cut in, edging too close. Poe slid his hands a few crucial inches, thumbs just teasing under the edges of Ben’s t-shirt, he could just barely feel the smallest slice of warm soft skin. 

They were both sweating, hair plastered to their foreheads. Ben had lost whatever awkward stiffness he’d brought with him, clearly entranced now. His lips had parted, lids grown heavy, and it was so easy to transpose it all to another time and place. Some future moment that Poe felt was rushing towards them now, a train on its track. 

He moved one hand from Ben’s waist to one wrist, holding gently, just feeling the pulse beat in time with music. 

“We should go,” all at one Ben went taunt and stiff, his eyes no longer on Poe’s mouth or neck, where they had been gravitating the last songs. They were wondering over the crowd, at high alert. 

“All right,” Poe started to let him go, but Ben grabbed back his hand, holding it firmly as he led him away. 

They emerged out in the street like dreamers abruptly woken, the muffled thump fading with every step away. A haze of smoke hung around the entrance, a group of women smoking and laughing that seemed to make Ben even more skittish, looking over his shoulder every few feet as they made their way back to the car. He only dropped Poe’s hand so he could open the door as quickly as possible. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“I saw someone from before,” Ben let out a breath as he slid into the passenger seat and closed the door firmly. “They wouldn’t....I don’t know why I reacted like that. I just really didn’t want to see them.” 

“It’s late anyway,” Poe felt the day catch up with him all at once, his body aching a little from its efforts. “I had a good time.” 

“So did I,” Ben glanced at him, “can we get out of here?” 

He obliged, rapidly leaving behind the club and the restaurant, aiming towards home. 

“Can I tell you something ridiculous?” Ben asked when he seemed satisfied with the distance put between him and whoever had spooked him. 

“Of course. I love ridiculous.” 

“This is the first date I’ve ever been on. I’ve had people in my life, but it was always casual or convenience,” he gave a mirthless chuckle, “I’m thrity-fucking-two and this is the very first one.” 

“Nothing wrong with that. I didn’t have a serious relationship until I was thirty-three. It just happens when it happens,” and Poe definitely didn’t think it was a little sweet. “It was good though?” 

“Yeah,” he said as if Poe has asked him if the sky was blue. “Is it over?” 

“Doesn’t have to be,” he glanced at him sideways. “Why? What were you thinking?” 

Apparently Ben was thinking of the balcony. They kicked off their shoes at the door the apartment, padding quietly through the dark apartment. BB snuffled out to greet them, but then returned to Poe’s bed after accepting her pettings as due. 

If Finn and Rey were back, there was no sign of it. The balcony had acquired a few battered plastic chairs now, generally shoved to one side to make room for yoga, but they’re easily put back into place. The world spread out below them, a sea of lights blotting out the stars. 

“I like landing at night because of this,” Poe wasn’t sure what exactly Ben wanted out here under the stars. He figured he could fill the silence a little. “Seeing the world lit up without any detail.” 

Ben hasn’t even sat down. He stood behind Poe’s chair, rocking a little on his feet as if he can still feel the music in his bones. 

“Uh huh.” 

“Do you-” he had tilted his head back to ask, looking up and up and then Ben was leaning down. Their lips met soft and careful. It was upside down and kind of awkward and Poe wanted to melt into it. He reached up, caressing the curve of Ben’s cheek. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured. 

“Not handsome?” Ben rumbled against his lips and it was a strange view, black hair a curtain between them and the world. 

“That too,” he could feel the ridge of scar tissue, the sharp turn of his chin. 

“You’re hot,” Ben moved, coming around and he was...fuck...he was kneeling, sliding between Poe’s leg. And he’s so ridiculously tall that that brings them almost even. Those lovely long fingers, slide up and rest on Poe’s thighs. “First thing I noticed about you.” 

“Really because you looked like you wanted to eat my heart in the marketplace.” 

“I wanted to eat something,” and it came out so sullen that Poe has to laugh. 

“You want to do something like that tonight?” 

Ben shook his head, “But can I just stay here for a bit?” 

Poe kissed him in response and they did stay there for a long while. Eventually Ben put his head down pillowed on his arms and Poe got to finally play with that long thick hair, silk over his palm. 

And somehow that night stretched for them, kept the peace into the next day. They’d gone to their separate beds, then congregating at noon in the kitchen. They wound up making the coffee roast for a weird middle meal between lunch and dinner. Finn and Rey were on the couch, apparently working on a jigsaw puzzle they’d found wherever they’d gone the night before. 

“I like that binder,” Ben declared after their plates had been near licked clean. 

They took BB for a long walk after, all the way to the dog park where she gleefully charged away off leash, but circled back to their bench over and over to check in before running off again. 

“Rey said it’d be complicated. Dating a roommate. That I should set clear boundaries.” 

“When did she say that?” Poe stretched, their legs were pressed together. Ben had washed his hair and it smelled kind of minty. 

“Before last night,” Ben said vaguely. 

“What do you think?” 

“Never done this before, like I said. Why would I know?”

“Boundaries are fine, do you have any?” 

A loose shrug and Ben stared into the middle distance. BB streaked past, tongue half out of her mouth chasing a pack of bichons. 

“I get caught up. In people. In things,” he rumbled eventually. “Can you stop me if I’m too much?” 

“How about we just be honest about what we want and how we feel?” Poe didn’t like the idea of classifying ‘too much’. It seemed like Ben was never too much anything, so tightly wound that he was just seeing slivers of him between the blinds. Maybe a little too much would be a good thing.

“Open honest communication,” Ben pulled a face. “Gross.” 

Poe blinked then laughed, until Ben cracked a smile and after a moment’s hesitation put his arm around Poe’s shoulders. It was comfortable to sit like that, together. He could rest his head on Ben's shoulder. 

Less than twelve hours later, Poe was flying to Vegas, listening to drunk businessman laugh too loud in the cabin. Loud enough to hear through the thick door. It wasn’t even Jessika next to him. An unlucky day with a taciturn newbie that took direction, but didn’t chat. He was ready to have a good wallow in front of his HBO punishment as he slogged into the hotel, when his phone beeped with a new text. He pulled it out as he waited for his check in to be completed. 

It was a picture of BB’s feathery tail and hind legs, laying right over Ben’s face, one small foot lodged hard against his cheek. 

_Woke up like this. Texting by voice because I can’t see the goddamn phone. Come back and get your dog_

He smothered a laugh in his hand, apologizing to the clerk, who was handing him his keycard. Why hadn’t he given Ben his number before? Criminal. 

_Sorry, gotta party in Vegas for a few days first. You know you can just shove her off._

_Can’t. Trying to steal her affections. Driving Finn nuts that she likes me better._

_devious plan. ever been to Vegas?_ The room was fine. Too far from the strip for glam. It was practical. The bath was too small. When he fell back on the bed, it squeaked. 

_couple of times for comps. It’s ok, I like the fountains. BB heard someone think about touching her food dish, I’m free._

_congrats_ Poe angled his camera so the room was mostly out of focus, just his face and torso with a thumbs up centered. 

_wow. Almost like I’m there. Never seen you in uniform before_

_can’t wait to get out of it_ he paused then decided not to qualify it. Let Ben take that how he wanted. 

_don’t make me think about nudity, I have to go put on yoga pants_

He snorted, _clean thoughts, solo._

The phone stopped pinging, so he did get up and get his shower, curling into bed even though it was barely afternoon, he felt wiped. Just as he was drifting off, there was another notification. He fumbled for it. 

There was a photo from their balcony, the sunrise nothing special, just tinged a little pink. BB’s ears stuck up at the bottom of the picture. Ben wasn’t even in it, except maybe a smear of black that could be the edge of his leg off to the side. 

Poe fell asleep with a smile on his face.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains some discussion of mental illness, particularly PTSD. I've updated the tags to reflect that.

As soon as Poe woke up, he knew it was one of the bad days. He hadn’t had one in nearly a year, but there was no denying the fuzz in his brain and the tension in every muscle. It was the worst timing. To finally be home, looking forward to doing something with Ben after two weeks with just texts back and forth, but he couldn’t even be upset about it. There wasn’t room in his head for upset. He fumbled in the nightstand, unearthed an old orange bottle, struggled with the top then dry swallowed two of the pills. 

He always pretended he’d never get another one after the last one, even though he knew that was wishful thinking. It had been a rough combination of bad dreams, mingling with the wrong kind of construction sounds and the sheet wrapped around his ankles. He didn’t even remember having the flashback, might have done it almost entirely in his sleep, but he could taste bile at the back of his mouth and still hear the echoes of screams. 

He lay in the damp sheets and tried to steady his breathing. The world had already taken on it’s grey shroud. From experience, he knew it would last only a few hours. That eventually all the color would come back and everything would be fine. But it didn’t feel like it in the moment. He shut his eyes against the grey dawn and fell into an uneasy sleep. BB nosed at him at some point and he resolved to get up to walk her, but someone else called her and she trotted away before he could follow through. 

A soft sound woke him, a murmur of voices. There was black before his eyes. He blinked slowly, his focus clearing. 

He was looking at Ben’s thigh, still in soft black yoga pants. Ben was leaning against the headboard, one earbud in and the other dangling free, releasing the sound of the voices. He had an embroidery hoop in his lap, a piece of neon orange fabric held taut in its grasp. The needle went in and out, carrying white beads. Not his usual color palette. BB had settled underneath the tent of his bent legs, nose on Poe’s hip. He reached down to pet her apologetically, grateful when she licked his hand. 

“Not going out today,” he managed to say. His mouth felt stuffed full of cotton. 

“Shut up and go back to sleep,” Ben didn’t even look up from his work. “You look like shit.” 

Poe wanted to argue, but then one of Ben’s hands landed on the back of his neck. It squeezed a little, sinking into the still tense muscle and coaxed them to laxness. Poe fell back asleep. 

When he opened his eyes again, Ben was still there. The needlework was cast aside, Ben had sunk lower on the headboard, apparently writing in small notebook. They were notations that Poe didn’t recognize, not letters at all. 

“Ugh,” he declared. Ben reached over to the nightstand and picked something up. It landed in front of Poe’s nose. It was a small bowl with cut up cantaloupe. His stomach still felt iffy, but the fruit didn’t look too challenging. He picked up a piece with a leaden hand and got it to his mouth. The burst of water and sweetness felt good. He chewed carefully and swallowed. His stomach accepted it, so he kept going until was gone. “Thanks.” 

“You’re welcome,” Ben said absently, returning the bowl to the nightstand. 

“What are you writing?” he edged up a little so he could rest his forehead on Ben’s ribs. They were hard, but welcoming, the slight rise and fall of breath soothing.

“Choreo notes,” he erased one, brushing away eraser dust as if it had offended him.

“For a competition?” 

“Just had something in my head,” a few more scratches with the pencil and a violent slash beneath them. He closed the notebook around the pencil, looking down at him. “I think this is where I ask if you want to talk about it.” 

“Not really,” he muttered, but things were already leveling out and he could tell by the quality of light that hours had passed with Ben just...waiting him out. Keeping him company. “Finn ever tell you how we met?” 

“No. It didn’t come up," Finn never offered, Ben never asked. Ben rarely asked, it seemed less because he didn't want to know than he didn't want to be told he couldn't. "I know you’ve been friends for awhile.” 

“The squadron I flew was a sort of unique one. We had a certain intentional lack of oversight.” 

“That sounds like the stuff of conspiracies.” 

“Kind of was one,” he agreed. “We weren’t fighting on the frontlines covered in the news. We were doing other things in other places. I can’t tell you details even now.” 

“Cover operations?” Ben slid down a little more, but not so far they’d have to make eye contact, but far enough that Poe could rest his head on his shoulder. 

“Yeah. And we were good. Really good. But even the best sometimes fail. I was captured by the enemy. They wanted information that I didn’t have.” 

Ben’s hand was back on his neck, massaging, and Poe just enjoyed it for a long minute before continuing. 

“I still don’t know exactly how long it was. At least three days, no longer than a week. And then one of the guards just..they’d all been wearing these creepy masks and he just took his off. He told me there was a plane in the hanger and as long as I took him with me, he’d help me escape.”

“Finn did that?” 

“Finn did that,” Poe confirmed. "We got out of there together. Got back to the base. My commander understood the situation and agreed to help expedite Finn’s immigration papers. Got him settled safe and sound back here while I was still in the hospital. My left knee is held together with a dozen pins or so. Healed perfect though. Barely any scarring. Only hurts on really shitty days. Makes going through TSA a laugh and a half though.” 

“But it left other marks."

“Yeah,” Poe agreed with a sigh. “Brains take longer. I was honorably discharged with my pension intact. Got better over time, just never all the way there. It's not bad, not dangerous... Should’ve probably told you though.” 

“You don’t owe me that. You don’t owe anyone that,” Ben’s hand tightened fractionally than released. 

“I should probably shower,” he muttered into Ben’s shirt. 

“You smell fine to me. I found this chick on youtube that makes shitty robots. She’s pretty funny, want to see?” Ben had already started reaching for his phone. 

“Yeah, all right.” 

They watched Simone Giertz get slapped over and over by her new alarm and get soup sloped on her shirt as her robot tried to feed her. Someone knocked on the door. Ben glanced at Poe, clearly waiting for him to decide. 

“Yeah?” he called sitting up a little more from his slump. 

“Anyone want meatloaf before I put it back in the fridge?” Finn cracked open the door. 

He considered his stomach, “That sounds good, actually.” 

The meatloaf was delicious, and his stomach caught up with the missed meals fast. Ben finished off all that was left, rinsing the dishes before slotting them into the machine. Poe took something for the growing headache and made it to the couch where Finn was already flipping through channels. He flopped his legs onto Finn’s lap. Rey was curled up against his other side, looking half-asleep herself. To his surprise, Ben circled back and didn’t sit on the floor. Usually he ceded the couch to three of them and their casual pile of intimacy. Now though, he lifted up Poe’s torso if it weighed nothing at all, sat down and let him fall back against his thighs. 

It was actually kind of comfortable. 

“Preferences?” Finn poked his ankle.

“What’s on HGTV?” 

Ben gave an aggrieved sigh, but he didn’t leave either. About halfway through the first episode he started to heckle the couple on House Hunters, but that was part of the fun. 

For a bad day, it was pretty good by the end. 

A good night's sleep and the worst of it was over. He was able to get out of bed and dress. He didn’t really have anywhere to go though once that was completed. He’d hit his max hours for the month and there were ten days left. Probably why he’d be been primed for a bad day. Knowing he couldn’t fly always left him uneasy. 

BB danced at his feet and it was easy to just take her for a walk. He’d gotten her all those years ago just for this reason. She’d been so small then, a puppy that could fit in his cupped hands. Together they had mapped out the strange new world that Poe had found himself in without the structure and purpose of a mission behind him. 

Back then they used to walk so long that he would have to carry her home, tiny legs worn out by their jaunts. He’d been able to feel her flutter-fast heartbeat, her warm little body resting so trustingly against him. 

“I owe you a lot, huh?” he said now to her sleek form, grown a little rounder from the attentions and treats of four people instead of just one. She glanced back at him, tongue rolled out of one side of her mouth. 

By the time they wound their way back, the apartment was quiet. He considered his options and pulled up short at his door. A note had been taped to it, ripped from an unlined notebook. It was Ben’s handwriting thought apparently care had been taken to make it borderline legible. 

_Practicing at the studio until 3. Come by if you want. - B._

That sounded good actually. It struck him a little odd that Ben hadn’t just texted. Still, he appreciated the invitation. A shower was probably in order. When he stepped into the bathroom, his eye were immediately drawn to three bottles sitting on the counter. Three different sized orange containers with black printed labels. He hadn’t seen a single prescription bottle the entire time he lived here and now there were three. A ripped piece of notebook paper had been stuck to each one. Instead of a pen they’d been written in the black marker that meant Ben on the shared calendar in the kitchen. 

The first read ‘For the’ and then a rough drawing of a stick figure using a baseball bat to break something, a table maybe. The second said ‘For the’ and now the stick figure was laying in bed, a scribble of hair over it’s round face, a thought bubble emerged and inside it read ‘Meh’. The last was just a face vomiting on itself with an X over it. 

He stared at the bottles for a long time. Then he turned around to his room, pulled out the old bottle that still had pills rattling around in them. The one he should refill soon, but always waited to the last second because he hated admitting he needed them even to himself. He stared at it, then he went to the kitchen and got his purple marker. 

He wound up just writing ‘For the’ just like Ben had, even copied the little drawing of a stick figure in bed with wild curlicues coming out of his head. His thought bubble said ‘memories’. He stuck it on top of the bottle and put it next to Ben’s line. 

(The next morning, there were two more bottles with attendant notes. In orange, Rey wrote ‘For the’ and a face screwed up in pain, lightning bolts shot out for migraines. Finn’s green on top of the last with a face that had worry lines around the eyes and a Charlie Brown-esq ‘Good grief’ floating out from the mouth. Anxiety, probably. For one brief moment, Poe loved all of them so hard that it was a physical pain in his chest.) 

He got in the shower after that, scrubbed of the dry sweat and the last of the clinging grey. Clothes, shoes, and he scooped up a book sitting on the coffee table that Finn had been picking through. BB lifted her head as he headed from the door, then rolled over in the square of sunlight, apparently done with human comings and goings for the day. 

This time when he arrived at the studio, the waiting room was empty and Rose was clearly just reading a book, her feet up on the desk. 

“Quiet afternoon?” he asked as she glanced up at him. 

“Thankfully,” she agreed. “I’ve been trying to finish this chapter for three days.” 

“Ben and Rey still practicing?”

“I think so. They had some kind of fight a half an hour or so ago, but the music started back up so they probably worked it out,” she seemed unconcerned. “Room three like usual.” 

Dismissed, he headed back. The door was open, a fan blowing in the corner from the hall into the room. The air conditioning was on, but not enough to combat the heat of the day outside. They were both stripped down to just undershirts and athletic shorts, Rey’s dance shoes entirely at odds with it while Ben had apparently given up on shoes altogether. Both of them had their hair drawn back into buns. 

Poe slipped back to the music station trying to be unobtrusive. They seemed entirely out of sync with each other, moving through the room separately, in frantic quick movements. The song petered out on it’s own, leaving them both heaving in the dense air on opposite sides of the room. Ben looked up, caught Poe’s eye and...winked. Poe grinned and winked back, not even sure why, but delighted by it. 

“Ok,” Rey reached for a towel blotting her face. “Ok. That’s enough nonsense, do I have your attention now?” 

“Sure,” Ben stole the towel from her, using it on the back of his neck. “Do I have yours?” 

“Can you go back two tracks?” Rey didn’t turn to ask him. He wasn’t insulted, if he was going to watch then he could be useful. 

The music started and they folded back together as though they’d never parted. After the second start and stop, Poe pulled out the book. He looked up occasionally and kept the phone in hand to obey commands. It wasn’t a bad way to spend the afternoon. 

“Time?” Rey called. 

“Two-fifty.” 

“I’ve got my teens coming in,” she went back to the front of the room, picking her t-shirt back up and reluctantly pulling it back on. 

“Do you want a lift home?” Poe offered, getting up just as Luke appeared in the doorway, a frown etched on his face. 

“Tanya called out sick,” he said. “There’s no one to teach modern to the kids.” 

“I could get the teens to do some mentoring,” Rey frowned. “But they’re not really ready for the comp next week.” 

“No,” Luke agreed, sucked in a breath. “Ben.” 

Ben froze, “Yes?” 

“Would you mind doing it?” he asked slowly. 

“You want me to teach?” 

“Just for today,” Luke stopped as if listening to something then nodded, “Yes. I would. Please.” 

“Oh,” he glanced down at his feet. “I-yeah.” 

“Room one in ten then,” Luke nodded sharply again then stepped away. 

“Wow,” Rey blinked. “Are you up for it?” 

“I have no idea,” Ben turned to Poe. “Could you...uh...moral support?” 

“Whatever you need.” 

Which was how Poe found himself in a different corner in a different room looking at a gaggle of kids clustered around Ben’s feet. They were all dressed in leggings and loose shirts in a variety of colors, including two little boys. They appeared to range from five to eight years old. To a one, their eyes were glued to Ben’s face. 

“Uh, hi,” Ben stared down at them solemnly. “My name is Ben, and I’m your teacher for today.” 

“What happened to Ms. Lombardo?” 

“She’s sick."

“You’re tall,” a girl in purple said. “Really tall.” 

“Yes,” he agreed. “Line up for warm ups, please.” 

They fell into a ragged line. They followed his directions through stretches with only a little giggling and chatter. 

“Now, you see my friend there?” Ben pointed to Poe, who looked up at him warily. There was a glint of mischief in his eyes. “His name is Mr. Dameron.” 

He waved, getting to his feet, already sensing that passive moral support was in the past. 

“Now, Mr. Dameron doesn’t know much about modern dance. In fact, he’s mostly here so you can teach him,” Ben went on. “Do you think you all make good teachers?” 

Eight heads bobbed wildly. 

“I think so to, so here’s what we’re going to do. I’m going to put on the music and call out a step or jump. You show him exactly how it’s done and he’ll try to copy you. If you do it well, maybe we’ll teach him something.” 

“I didn’t consent to this,” Poe said amused, already leaning down to untie his impractical shoes. 

“I’ll buy you dinner,” Ben flicked on the music. 

The game didn’t last as long as Poe had feared, but the kids were clearly enjoying showing off what they knew, leading him through basic moves. Afterwards, Ben lead them through what seemed to be more conventional exercises and they went through a short choreographed routine. 

There were still five minutes left when they’d finished. Ben, who seemed to have been running on pure bravado was clearly tapped. Poe wracked his mind for some way to help, when the girl in purple piped up again, 

“Could we do lifts with you, Mr. Ben? Ms. Lombardo says we can’t because we can’t lift each other up, but you could, right? I saw you and Ms. Rey in the studio one time and you held her up for a whole minute, even though the rules say that’s too long.” 

“I could,” he agreed. He hadn’t so much as put a finger on any of the kids during the lesson, only offering correction by demonstration. “I don’t know-” 

A dozen please please pleases seemed to bombard him from every direction. 

“...fine,” he decided looking a little grim, but he put on some high-spiriting music. 

Each kid took a turn running at him full speed, squealing as they were swept up and held above his head, trying to hold their legs straight at his gentle command. It went by quickly, the kids then saying quick goodbyes and darting to the door to be swept away by waiting adults. When the last one was gone, Ben leaned heavily against the wall. 

“Good job,” Poe offered coming closer. Only then could he see that Ben was trembling, his breathing coming raggedly. “Hey, hey, it’s okay.” 

“He shouldn’t trust me with them,” Ben said darkly. “I could’ve done anything.” 

“But you didn’t.” 

This had been the room, Poe recalled. The place that Ben had destroyed. Where he’d hurt a child like the kind of monster Poe hated. It was hard to imagine that that was the same person now pressing into his side. The one that had stayed with him through a bad day and labeled his medication so that Poe wouldn’t feel alone. 

“I still feel it in me,” Ben shook his head. “I get these intrusive thoughts, my moods...they didn’t just die in that cell.” 

“No, but you’ve mastered them.” he reached for Ben’s hand, “You were great with them.” 

“Thanks for being a test dummy,” was the mumbled response, Ben’s hand closing around his. 

“It was fun,” he bumped their shoulders together. “And I still get dinner out of it, right?” 

He did get dinner out of it. They walked down the commercial strip to a chain restaurant and ate terrible over salted food. They talked about light things. The table was small, Ben’s legs bracketed his own. They both got coffee despite the heat, hands wrapping around their mugs. 

It felt comfortable enough for Poe to ask, “How slow do you want to take this?” 

“What do you mean?” Ben looked wary all at once, the tension ratcheting back into his shoulders. 

“Just usually after this much time, I’m the kind of person who takes their pants off, but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” 

“It would make me uncomfortable if you took them off right now,” Ben snorted. “I think it’d make the waitress pretty happy.” 

“Haha,” Poe pressed his knee against Ben’s calf. “I mean it though. I’d rather ask now then when we’re riled up.” 

“You think you can rile me up?” Ben smiled that curious soft smile. 

“Sweetheart, I know I can,” Poe grinned back. “So sell me a clue, okay?” 

“I’ve had sex before.” 

“Congratulations, so have I. But you know. When I wanted to. And I want you to want it too. Boundaries, right?” 

“I’d like to. Take off your pants,” Ben snorted, biting back a smile. “And you can take off mine. Very mutual pants off situation.” 

It made the ride home an interesting kind of tense, Ben’s hand creeping onto Poe’s thigh and staying there when he wasn’t brushed off. The elevator ride was worse, with one of their upstairs neighbors making painful small talk about the weather until they could escape off an into the apartment. 

The lights were off inside, but Rey was there, asleep on the floor near the balcony in a square of light, BB tucked into her stomach. Finn had some kind of training that evening, and apparently left to her own devices she’d decided to nap on the carpet. 

“Figures,” Ben sighed and crouched down beside her. “C’mon, wildebeest. You can’t sleep on the ground tonight.” 

With only a little effort, Ben scooped her off the ground and carried her into her bedroom. BB gave an annoyed huff and went to inspect her dish. There was a soft scrap of conversation that drifted out of the room while Poe waited in the dark. Ben crept back out, shut the door behind him. 

“She talks in her sleep, it’s so fucking annoying when we have to share a hotel room,” he walked into his room, paused when he didn’t hear steps. “Are you coming or what?”

Poe went as if pulled along, stepping into Ben’s room fully for the first time. He rarely so much as left his door open more than a crack. There were two lamps, throwing weak light over the room. After all the build up, there wasn’t much exciting. A bed with rumpled covers, a bookshelf crammed with some books, but also a lot of odds and ends. The closet doors were closed, some clothes littered around a hamper shoved in one corner. There was little on the walls: a poster that featured Rey in one of her low dips, Ben’s face covered by his hair; a framed print of some wooded area with the sun dappling through; and a hook that held a familiar black bathrobe. A small desk was so piled up with fabric and boxes of beads that it would've been impossible to use for it's intended purpose. 

Ben kicked some clothes towards the hamper, “Uh, if I knew I’d have a guest...”

“I know you wash your sheets every other week, that’s good enough for me,” he assured him. 

He’d thought maybe it’d be awkward or that he’d have to play the seducer. Instead there was an immediate switch, Ben’s focus drawn from laundry to him. He crossed the room and drew Poe to him, pulling him in for a fierce kiss. 

Poe looped his arms around his neck, drawing their bodies close together. 

Ben smelled like the studio, sweat and the laundry detergent they all shared. He kissed like he was running out of oxygen. His hands were masterful as well as large as they drew Poe out of his clothes and tumbled him onto the bed. 

Poe had fucked a lot, he wasn’t ashamed of that. He’d made love a fair bit too. They overlapped in his mind, conjoined in some places and floating entirely apart in others. 

Sex with Ben was definitely in the conjoined places. There was an intensity as Ben dropped to his knees that was unmistakably fucking. There was a softness in his eyes that could only be love making. So Poe returned it as best he could. 

He thought for a first time together, they made a good go of it. There were places that he knew would be better next time and the next. His favorite part by far was after, when they lay sticky and breathless together. Ben reached out and took Poe’s hand, let them drop together between their bodies. 

“I know your bed isn’t far, but you could...you could stay.” 

Poe reached behind to flick off the lamp and returned his head to the pillow, “Sounds good. I kick sometimes.” 

“I have nightmares,” Ben drew the comforter over him. “Don’t bother waking me. I forget them if I stay asleep. But I make noises.” 

“I know, my dog has been abandoning me to come to you for months when it’s a bad one,” he admitted. “Sometimes I wanted to follow her.” 

Ben huffed something between a laugh and a sob, “I have no idea what I would’ve done.” 

“What would you do now?”

“Tell you to get under the covers and shut up so we can go to sleep.” 

And Poe did. Ben turned his back to him and he took that as an invitation to spoon against the broad expanse, laying a kiss between the wings of shoulders. He heard the jingle of tags and the depression of mattress at his feet that signaled BB’s arrival. The room was darker than his, some light always came through the windows even with heavy curtains. It was like being in cave. 

Poe kissed Ben’s back again, listening for the soft sigh of acceptance. Of future desire. It followed him into sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

Fall crept in slowly, the leaves just starting to turn as the days slid into October. Rey and Finn assigned him chauffeur to go apple picking while Ben gave him a kiss for good luck and refused to budge from the couch. They returned with way too many apples and Finn made apple tarts, apple pies, and snuck apples into stews for weeks. 

The sick Ms. Lombardo never returned to the studio, so now on Wednesdays Ben packed up for a longer day. If he was around, Poe would pick him up for dinner or come and just hung around the studio. He became friends with Rose, who was happy to chat with him about aeronautical engineering and dance gossip with equal adeptness. 

But Poe still never saw Ben on the Thursdays marked ‘Out to Lunch’. Even if they’d shared a bed (more often than not now), Ben would be gone no matter the hour Poe woke up. He tried hard not to ask or snoop, even though it was killing him a little not to. So far, Ben had given up all his secrets eventually. 

His patience was rewarded just before Halloween. It was an Out to Lunch day, but when he woke up Ben was sitting on the edge of the bed. His hands were knotted together, his face tight and closed off. 

“Hey,” he said softly, reaching for him. Ben reached back. He always did. Their hands met and tangled and Ben sighed. 

“You should come with me today,” he smiled tightly at him. “It’s a long day. I go a few places. It’s a thing.” 

“Okay,” he got up quickly in case the offer was rescinded. “When do we leave?” 

“Could you drive? It’s my ulterior motive. I usually take the bus, but I have some boxes.” 

“I don’t know if it’s ulterior if you tell me outright,” he opened his closet. “Dress code?” 

“Just whatever,” Ben flopped back onto the bed, his hair fanning out around his head like a black halo. “We’ll be outside, but not for a long time.” 

There were a few boxes piled up by the front door. Poe pulled on his old beanie over his curls, already considering making himself a new one now that it wasn’t boiling outside. Rey came out of her room with an envelope and gave it to Ben, 

“I’m not your postman,” he grumbled even as he took the letter. “And he’s probably not even there.” 

“I know, that’s why it’s a letter,” she rolled her eyes. “Say hi for me.” 

“Uh huh,” Ben huffed, pulling on his jacket. “You could just come yourself.” 

“Nah,” she glanced at Poe. “I guess you get to find out where he spends the morning. Still hasn’t told me.” 

“I get some secrets,” the zipper on Ben’s jacket went up aggressively. “You can’t have all of me.”

“I didn’t agree to that,” she said without any force, giving him a soft shove. She turned to Poe, “Report back.” 

Ben gave him a look and Poe shook his head solemnly, “Can’t. Sworn to secrecy.” 

The drive took them into a neighborhood Poe hadn’t seen before. It gave off an air of shabbiness, buildings leaning onto each other as if they were too tired to stand alone, smeared with layers of graffiti. He parked at Ben’s directions behind one of them. A door in the back was already standing open as if waiting for them, the sounds of overlapping conversation coming out. There was a sign in a barred window _Jakku Children’s Center_

Poe had heard that name before on Rey’s lips. A place where she had gone on and off for years before she had enough to scrape by on her own. Before she’d collided with ballroom dance and Ben. 

“Ben,” he said softly. 

“Penance looks like a lot of things,” Ben shrugged. They brought the boxes into a beige square of a room that had a few chairs and a desk. A man with a faded smile nodded to them, gesturing to the door behind him which opened with a crackling loud buzz. 

Further in was the origin of the noise, the hall opening into some kind of rec room. It was a wide open space with sharp bright colors that were at odds with the rundown exterior. There were large bookshelves filled with books, crafts, and games. A television in the corner was off, but clearly hooked up to a few different consoles arranged with their attendant games underneath. 

Three women were gathered on one of the low couches, paperwork spread out in front of them. 

“Set down those boxes, Solo, and come sign these,” one of them patted the seat beside her. “Who’s your friend?” 

“This is Poe,” Ben sat where he was told, picking up a pen. 

“This is Poe, huh?” Three sets of eyes were on him, peeling him apart. “Pretty.” 

“Thanks,” he grinned. “Anything I can do while he works?” 

One of the women, ‘call me Fay’, got up and started opening boxes. There was more packaging inside, carefully wrapped paper bundles. 

“See how each of these has a name?” she pointed to a corner where Ben had written with pencil ‘Jenny’. “Each of the kids that stay here have a locker with their name on it. Put their bundle on top of the locker.” 

The lockers were in the adjacent hallway. Each locker had not only a name, but personality. There were some decorated with magnets, some wrapped in gift wrap or drawn onto directly. When he was done, he risked peeking into one of the many doors that came off the hall. There were names on the doors too, equally heavily decorated. One hung open, without any names at all. Inside it looked like a very nice dorm room, newish furniture, clean linens on the beds. 

“I’m going to replace a few lightbulbs in the kitchen,” Ben said suddenly behind him, and Poe jumped about a foot in the air. “You want to help?” 

The kitchen was large, recently refinished and spotless. A long dining table took up most of the space, chairs pushed in neatly. There was a shore wheel up on one wall and then photos on another, arranged in a hodgepodge, clearly pinned up as they came in layering over each other. Poe held the ladder as Ben got up and switched out lightbulbs. 

“You paid for all of this,” he guessed. 

“Most of it,” Ben took down the dead bulb, laid it carefully beside the box. “I came here once. To get her. It didn’t look like this then.” 

“And she has no idea?” 

“No. I’m not doing it for her exactly. Or for pats on the back. The kids never see me, if I can help it. Don’t know my name,” he screwed in the fresh bulb. “I almost didn’t bring you.” 

“But you did,” he considered that. “Why?” 

“You’d just start to make assumptions about where I was after awhile,” he came back down slowly, coming up almost level with him. “And I guess I do want someone to know. In case...I don’t know. If I can’t make it one day or something. You would come, right? If you could?” 

“Yeah, I would,” Poe smiled at him. “What’s in the packages?” 

“Clothes,” the ladder folded, removing the barrier between them. “The center gets some state subsidies, but they’re pathetic. So I get them new things. Mend whatever they tear up.” 

They spent the morning doing just that. Poe spackled over a hole in the wall while Ben painted the empty dorm room with a fresh coat of light blue. Tiny bits of paint fell in his hair, caught like stars. 

“So what now?” he asked after they’d carefully returned the supplies to their closet. 

“Lunch,” Ben said grimly. “I hope you’re ready to meet my mother.” 

“I’m covered in plaster!”

“You’re not covered,” Ben brushed a casual hand over Poe’s chest. “You’re fine.” 

“When I asked how I should dress, 'meet the parent' would've been good intel,” he grumbled, but leaned into his hand despite himself. 

“She won’t care,” Ben shrugged. “And I don’t think you will either once you see her.” 

“She’s the laid back kind?” He tried to imagine what kind of woman would bring Ben into the world. Someone strident, probably. Did she look like him? Tall and dark haired? 

“Not exactly.” 

“I wasn’t even sure if your parents were alive,” he got back into the car, flicking off more flecks of plaster. “You never talk about them.”

“We’re in the process of reconciling,” it sounded very rote like instruction read off a label. “I have lunch twice a month with her. Dad shows up sometimes for it. After that, I go straight to therapy. Sometimes I still don’t have my head on straight, so I go for a walk.” 

“You really like to load down one day, huh?” he turned slowly out of the parking lot. 

“Rip off the bandaid,” Ben slumped down in his seat a little. “Then I can get on with everything else.” 

Everything else was dance, Poe surmised. He’d never asked because it was pretty clear that Ben didn’t work. He seemed to sustain himself on his half of their winnings, and some elusive amount of money that Poe told himself probably wasn't from his previous life of crime. But funding a nonprofit and a restaurant (and who knew what else?) had to generate some paperwork, so he must do some of that sometimes. 

“What do you do when no one’s home?” 

“Masturbate on the couch.” 

“Hilarious,” Poe rolled his eyes. “Your bed is way more comfortable for that.” 

“So’s yours,” Ben had a half-smile on his face as he indicated a turn. “Maybe I’m masturbating in your bed.” 

“You’re welcome to if you feel that strongly about it.” 

“Good to know.” 

“So that’s it? Lifestyle of one Ben Solo is dance, sew, and then cram everything else into two days a month?” 

“I read,” Ben shrugged. “Watch youtube videos. Go for walks. BB and I like that dog park you showed me a lot. There’s the gym too. Lot of hours there. Go on dates with my boyfriend. Time fills up before you know it.” 

“This boyfriend,” Poe’s lips twitched, “he good to you? Do I have to go rough him up?” 

“Yeah,” Ben put his hand on his thigh which was starting to feel like exactly where it belonged. “He’s all right.” 

“So I can call you that now?” 

“This is why I never brought it up,” Ben shook his head at him. “You’re going to make it all...gooshy, aren’t you?” 

“Yes. Yes, I am,” he laughed, giddy. “Is that how you’re going to introduce you to my mom?” 

“Oh,” Ben had that private smile, the one that did things to him. “I don’t think I’ll have to.”

They left behind the Jakku neighborhood rapidly, eventually arriving at a pretty tree lined dead end. The house was at the blunt end of the road, set back a little into the woods. It wasn’t particularly large, but it looked old. There was a crumbling stone wall around the edge of the property and the house itself looked partially stone built with a sweeping white porch. 

Poe stretched as he got of the car, letting Ben take the lead. He watched him head toward the porch, ready to knock when the door swung open. Poe couldn’t make anyone out as he got closer, Ben filled the doorway. 

When he got to the steps, Ben stepped to the side. There was a woman there. A woman he knew. 

“Leia!” Poe cried and he couldn’t stop himself for running those last few steps and hugging her. 

He knew he was crying, didn’t care as her arms went around him and pulled him in. It probably wasn’t regulation for a general to hug her people, but she had always been special. Been special particularly to him. She had been there when the news came that his mother was gone and driven him to the airport for the funeral herself. She had been the one to come to him as soon as he landed with Finn and talk him through what had happened. 

Even when he was discharged, she’d been there, holding his hand and assuring him that he would still fly. That she would make sure of it. He hadn’t seen her since that day though he’d felt her influence in his interviews with the Third Republic. Knew they had called her for recommendations that glowed. 

“How?” he pulled away just enough to see her face. He swallowed hard to see tears on her cheeks too. “I tried to write you when I got back, but my letters kept getting returned.” 

“We went a little deeper, using the information your friend gave us,” she squeezed his arms. “Look at you, Dameron. You're your old self again.”

“I am,” he smiled at her. “Not every day, but most of them.” 

“How long did you know?” she was looking over her shoulder now, where Ben was seated in a rocking chair, looking amused. 

“Not long. He mentioned something about where he’d served that clicked for me.” 

“I wish you’d warned us,” she tsked, but there was no heat in it and Ben continued to look pleased with himself. 

Poe became aware that he was still clinging to her, holding probably too tightly to her arms. He relaxed his grip with took a step away. He couldn’t stop smiling though, his mouth aching. Then the penny dropped. 

“Wait, you’re my boyfriend’s mother?” he looked between them. And now he could see it. The tilt of their smiles for one thing, the high rise of their cheekbones. The solid iron of their spines. 

“Oh, a boyfriend is he?” Leia grinned, looking to Ben, who’s smugness crumbled into a bashful smile. 

“That’s recent,” he got up and while he didn’t hug his mother, he did gravitate toward her. 

“There’s lunch,” Leia seemed to remember all at once, reaching over to touch Ben’s elbow once, very gently and away again. Testing the waters. “Come inside.” 

Poe couldn’t recall what they ate even an hour later. The house was light inside, large windows letting the trees dapple their shadows across the floor. Ben slumped here, all his good dancer posture eaten away by the way parents could recall you to your youth. He gave sarcastic answers to her questions that Leia seemed more amused than annoyed by. 

When Ben got up to use the restroom, Leia reached out and lay a hand over Poe’s, 

“Are you good to each other?” she asked, in barely a whisper. 

“I think so,” he assured her. “We try anyway.” 

“Han and I...” she started then stopped with a sigh. “It’s been a good life, but you always want better than good for your children. And Ben struggled. Still struggles, I think, not that he confides in me much these days.” 

“If he is, then he’s winning,” he smiled faintly, thinking of Ben with the tiny dancers circling trustingly above his head. 

“Selfishly, I’m glad it’s you,” she squeezed his hand then retreated to wrap them both around her coffee mug again. “Someone I know. That I trust.”

“Thank you,” Poe smiled down at his own mug, his heart fit to burst. 

They left not long after Ben came back downstairs. On their way out, Poe spotted a picture by the door. It wasn’t particularly posed, some kind of outdoor party with a firepit at the center. A younger Leia sat on a low bench, squeezed in next to a handsome man with Ben’s jawline. On her lap was a dark haired boy with a toothy grin, head ducked under his mother’s chin. 

“You were a cute kid,” he offered as they got back into the car. 

“Yeah that was before puberty hauled off and slapped me,” Ben slumped low in the car seat. “Do you mind driving me to my therapy appointment? I know it’s been kind of a chauffeur day.” 

“After this afternoon, I’d probably drive you halfway across the continent if you wanted,” he beamed at him. “I never thought I’d see her again.” 

“She never called her people by their names in front of me,” Ben glanced at him then away back towards the house as they pulled away. “But if I’m putting it together right...you were one of her favorites.” 

“We got along right from the beginning. She didn’t talk about her family much either. She always seemed to play that stuff tight to the chest.” 

“She probably didn’t know much by then,” Ben shrugged. “I was with Uncle Luke most of the time. She wasn’t even stateside most of the time.” 

“My mom was gone a lot too,” he stared out at the road. “Life of the pilot. You sure you want to deal with that all over again?”

“I’m not a kid anymore,” Ben shrugged. “And you’re not my parent. It’s different. And you never make me feel forgotten.” 

“If I ever do, you tell me, got it?” 

“Got it.” 

His therapist’s office wasn’t far. For lack of any other direction, Poe followed him through the warrens of an office building then sat himself in the small waiting room. The quiet gave him time to think, to follow the strange trajectory of the day until he landed here. 

He pulled out his phone and texted Finn, 

_I have a boyfriend_

_yeah man, I know, hard to miss. Fucker is huge._

_no like officially though_

_yeah? Congrats, that’s cool._

After some thought, he paged over to his rarely used Facebook profile and marked himself as ‘in a relationship’. He left off Ben’s name. In fact, he wasn’t entirely sure Ben even had a Facebook profile. A quick search revealed nothing, except for a very cute fan group for ballroom dancing. He joined that and spent a few idle minutes scrolling, looking at costumes and reading about judging dramas. 

When he recognized a familiar costume, he paused and pressed play on video. He watched Rey dancing with someone else, a bland looking man who clearly couldn’t keep up with her. Never quite where he was meant to be when she reached for him, but she compensated beautifully. The white costume didn’t fit her properly, wasn’t yet weighed down with black beadwork and he smiled at it. She was great on her own. She didn't really need Ben at all, probably, except that she choose to need him. And he choose her right back. 

By the time Ben emerged, Poe had moved on to reading articles on bees (a train of links and thoughts that he couldn’t repeat if he tried). 

“We’re Facebook official,” he told the black blur coming into his vision as he finished the article. “Well, we would be, but you seem to not have Facebook which I thought was a legal obligation.” 

“I deleted it,” Ben sounded exhausted. When Poe looked up, tucking his phone away, he could make out red rimmed eyes. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Went a little deep,” Ben shrugged. “It happens sometimes. Ready?” 

“Sure,” he got to his feet. “Want to talk about it?” 

He figured Ben would say no or get snappish, protective. Instead, he went quiet as they walked through the building. 

“The question about whether I deserve to be happy is hard one,” he said eventually. “After what I’ve done. Who I’ve been.” 

“I don’t think anyone deserves it,” Poe shrugged. “I don’t think it works that way.” 

“You deserve it. You nearly died doing the right thing.” 

“And I killed people on the way there,” he said bluntly. “Not just enemies. My own people. Because I had to make a call that I still...I don’t know.” 

“But you did it for the right reasons. You weren’t selfish” 

“I like to think that,” he took Ben’s hand more to comfort himself. “It’s how I feel most of the time, but I can’t prove that. And maybe you made your choices for selfish reasons. Maybe you were cruel, but you served your time. You’re trying to do better now. What else is there?” 

“I don’t know,” they’d stopped walking, paused on the sidewalk. It was quiet, the sun starting to consider setting. “I don’t feel like I know anything sometimes.” 

“Same. Happens to everyone eventually,” Poe turned, sliding an arm around Ben’s neck pulling him down for a kiss. “Welcome to being a real adult person.” 

“Thanks, I hate it,” Ben muttered, but didn’t pull back as Poe started to laugh. Maybe he even laughed a little with him.


	7. Chapter 7

Running into the ex was a new experience for Poe. Prior to Charlie, he’d gone on dates here or there, but no one significant enough to really be considered an ex. Charlie himself had had a cordial relationship with a man that he’d been with for a handful of years, but he’d been introduced to Poe at a party, not a surprise in the least and they’d gotten along fine. 

So he didn’t really have a script prepared in either direction, and naturally he could’ve used both within a span of a few weeks. 

They’d gone out to brunch at the cafe where they’d spent that first hazy afternoon months ago. It was just warm enough to eat outside though they kept their coats on and their hands wrapped around the mugs of coffee. BB was settled in Poe’s lap, instead of on the sidewalk. Ben was telling him about some entertaining incident with Rey and the toaster that he’d missed when he heard the familiar voice. 

“Poe, is that you?” 

Charlie was just there all of a sudden. He was with someone, a woman that Poe didn’t recognize, who had politely stopped alongside him. Poe’s memory of him never added up to the sum of his face which was very striking. Charlie had once been a model, something he didn’t brag about, but Poe had seen the ad campaigns over time, tucked away in a portfolio. He was wearing a thick peacoat, his khakis immaculately pressed and the same gold ring on his pinkie. It had been his grandfather’s. There were glasses now though, trim silver frames that made him look professorial. 

“Charlie,” he summoned a smile, setting down BB so he could stand. “It’s good to see you.” 

Charlie went in for a hug, which Poe accepted. Charlie had never really been a hugger, so it took him a little off-guard. Ben stayed sitting, had put his hands out for BB, who eagerly hopped up. 

“What are you doing in this neck of the woods?” Charlie asked, rocking back on his heels. 

“I live a few blocks away now with a few friends,” he gestured to Ben. “This is my boyfriend, Ben. Ben, this is Charlie.” 

“I’ve heard about you,” Ben said, so flatly neutral it was practically a condemnation in and of itself. 

“Oh,” Charlie paused glancing at him. “Well, nice to meet you. This is one of my colleagues, Sandy. We’ve got a project in town, just came to look it over.” 

Poe shook hands with Sandy, who seemed slightly annoyed by the delay. 

“What’ve you been doing with yourself?” Charlie asked after a pause. “You’re all right?” 

“Same old, pretty much,” Poe gave him his best ‘aw, shucks’ smile. “You?”

“Oh, same, same,” Charlie nodded. “You remember Daniel?” 

“Which one?” Poe asked, but he already knew which one. The one that looked a little like Poe and used to stand too close to Charlie at parties. 

“Danny B,” Charlie went on. “We’ve been seeing each other for a few months.” 

“That’s great,” he said with a forced smile. He’d teased Charlie about Daniel once. It had turned into a fight. He wondered if Charlie remember that. They hadn’t fought much so it stood out strong in Poe’s memory. “Has he had any luck getting a curating job?” 

“Oh, you know, it’s a hard field,” he answered vaguely. Charlie looked to Ben, “Are you a pilot too?” 

“I’m a dancer,” Ben said and somehow the way he said it definitely implied that that dancing included removing his clothes.

“Ah,” Charlie glanced at Poe, looking for confirmation. 

“He’s very good,” Poe said with a grin. 

“We’ll be late,” Sandy murmured.

“Right,” Charlie gave a brittle laugh. “Right. Well. It was good to see you, Poe. You should call some time, my number hasn’t changed. No reason to be a stranger.” 

“Goodbye, Charlie,” he let him hug him again, before they were gone bustling down the sidewalk. 

“He didn’t even acknowledge BB,” Ben’s nose was wrinkled up, a picture of distaste. “Didn’t he live with her for years?” 

“He wasn’t a dog person,” Poe shrugged and sat back down. “They got along, but mostly as housemates. Why’d you let him think you were a stripper?” 

“Why not?” Ben shrugged, petting BB as she leaned against him. “You seemed upset and I thought it was funny. He seemed like the uptight kind.” 

“He wasn’t...” he trailed off. Why was he even defending him? They were long over now. “He sort of was, actually. You’d make a great stripper.” 

“I know,” Ben’s lips finally quirked back into something like a smile. “Something to fall back on.” 

“Charlie was all right,” he wasn’t sure why he was saying it. “We just weren’t...” 

“He’s attractive, probably kind,” Ben rested his chin in his hand, arching over BB’s body with his broad chest. “Gave money to charity and hosted nice dinner parties.” 

“Yes,” Poe sighed. “Did I tell you all that?” 

“Some of it. Guessed the rest. I’m sure he was fine.” 

“I didn’t love him,” he admitted. “I thought maybe I might, but I just never did. I think it’s why he really left. Because he knew that I didn’t.” 

“His loss.” Sometimes when Ben made eye contact, Poe was a little worried he was looking right into the dark parts of his brain and dissecting them. Less and less these days though. “I wouldn’t go just because you didn’t love me.” 

“That’s a pretty big part of being in a long term relationship,” Poe frowned. 

“Is it?” Ben considered that as he picked up his coffee again. “If I had your respect, your attention and your affection, what would be missing?” 

“Ben, sweetheart,” Poe almost laughed. “What do you think love is?” 

“I have no fucking idea,” Ben finished his coffee. “Never done it before. Parents, I guess, but everything there is a mess and I made half of it, couldn’t sort one feeling out about them from another the rest of the time. Rey...I guess? I’ve never said it to her before and she’s definitely never said it to me. I don’t think I’ve said it to anyone since I was a kid.” 

“Wow, really,” Poe stared at him and wanted to ask how that was possible even though he knew most the story these days. Ben was just so....Ben. And.

And well, Poe loved him. Even if he wasn’t quite ready to say so yet. 

“Really. And I still think Charlie is an idiot for leaving.” 

“I’m glad he did,” Poe said softly. “Very glad.” 

“So am I,” Ben snorted. “Obviously. Are you ready to go? I could use a walk.” 

It occurred to Poe as they walked away from the cafe, BB tugging them towards the dog park that Ben might never say he loved him. He wasn’t sure how to reconcile that. Ben did respect him (he asked for his opinion and really listened to it, even about dance which was wild), gave him plenty of affection (even now Ben was reaching for his hand, twining their fingers together) and attention (even when he was in the air or Ben was away, they texted constantly and skyped when they could even though they were tired and mostly just synched up Netflix). But Poe liked words. He liked love. His parents had always been romantic with each other and generous with heaping love on him too. He told Finn that he loved him all the time, who always said it back without pause like he didn’t know it wasn’t something male friends usually did. He’d even said it to Leia once recently, on another Thursday when he’d been around to squire Ben through his day. 

“It’s just that,” Poe said much later when the lights were out and they’d already made a mess of his bed. “Love matters to me.” 

“Okay,” Ben turned to him, eyes mostly closed. He slung an arm over Poe’s waist. “Do you want me to leave then?” 

“No,” he said vehemently. “Don’t you dare.” 

“All right,” Ben kissed his jaw, his nose poking Poe in the cheek. “Then I won’t.” 

Devotion, Poe thought and turned to him to initiate a rare round two. Maybe it was that too, in that alchemy of making love run. 

He was still turning it over in his head a few weeks later when they went out to a local art gallery. A friend of Jessika’s that Poe liked was having a photography show and Ben was amiable enough about coming along. They made a night of it, getting a good dinner first before heading to the gallery. The photos were interesting, mostly portraits taken from behind of people looking at city skylines. Poe took a glass of red wine, comfortable now with having a drink occasionally while Ben refrained. 

“We all look forward to larger spaces where we imagine our lives could be different,” Ben read the artist statement with a faint hint of sarcasm. 

“It’s a little general,” Poe conceded. “But not a bad concept.” 

“I like the photos more without the explanation,” they walked back towards the beginning of the show, stopping in front of a large piece to wait their turn to congratulate the artist. He felt rather than saw Ben tense up, and then his vision was blocked. 

Ben had stepped directly in front of him, one hand reaching behind seemingly unconsciously to keep him there. Poe frowned and heard a voice, 

“I didn’t know you bothered with culture,” the voice was precise, too clean around the vowels. 

“What are you doing here?” Ben practically growled. 

“I hardly knew you were going to be here, did I?” the precision was rife with fury. “You never got near places like this.” 

Poe took Ben’s hand and stepped out from behind him. The man with the precise voice was tall and lean as a blade. His suit was so tightly tailored that he might’ve been sewn directly into it. Red hair was viciously slicked back to draw. 

“Hi,” Poe said brightly. 

Ben huffed, but gestured to him, “This is my boyfriend, Poe. Poe...this is Hux.” 

Ben had told him about Hux, in the dark of a confessional kind of night. The way they had been positioned against each other under their drug runner boss with Hux seeming always to have the upperhand. The way they’d crashed together towards the end, watching everything started to fail around them. The way Hux had then happily testified against Ben at the trial, throwing in some extras with the truth, and only the evidence Ben held tightfisted on one flash drive meant that Hux saw time too. 

Frankly, Poe had imagined him being a lot more intimidating. 

“Hugs, right! You mentioned him once, I think,” Poe gave Hux his best himbo grin. He loved that one, had practiced in the mirror for good effect. 

“Hux,” Hux corrected sharply. 

“Hugs, that’s what I said, isn’t it sweetheart?” Poe looked up at Ben with big eyes. 

Some of the anger drained out of Ben’s expression, “No, dear. Hux. With an x.” 

“With an x,” Poe repeated. “Too bad, he does look like he’d be a good hugger. It’s nice to have a name that matches you, isn’t it?” 

Hux sputtered, “This is what you’ve reduced yourself too? All that power...everything you could do and you’re what? Dancing for cash with trash?” 

“Wow,” Poe dropped the act, suddenly not having fun anymore. “Just....wow. Does anyone call people trash anymore?” 

“Go ahead,” Hux wasn’t looking at Poe anymore, his focus was lasered in on Ben. “You know you want to, Ren. Punch me in front of the world. Let me press assault charges and watch you fall. It would be my pleasure to put you behind bars again.” 

Poe was good at thinking fast. Here was Hux, already raising his chin to goad, and Ben was getting tenser and maybe he would punch him and maybe he wouldn’t, but either way something had to be done. He took a step, stuttered as he if he’d tripped on Ben’s shoe and flung his mostly full cup of wine straight into Hux’s face. It splashed down to the man’s immaculate buttoned white shirt and dripped off his eyelashes. 

“I am so sorry!” he said as loudly as he believably could. He took the little cocktail napkin he’d had stuffed in his pocket and started dabbing hard at Hux’s shirt. “Oh, I’m so clumsy. Your nice white shirt.” 

“Stop that!” Hux protested furiously, trying to push Poe’s hand away, “Get off of me-” 

“Miss!” Poe flagged down one of the women circulating with wine, “ Do you have more napkins? I feel terrible, Mr. Hugs, just terrible. Please, let me take that to a dry cleaner for you-” 

The attention in the room was sharply on them now, every eye glued to Hux’s increasingly red face, and Poe’s body language, round and soft, pleading for forgiveness. Poe had had to bet that Hux would be the type that disliked a scene when he wasn’t the one controlling it. After a moment’s hesitation, Hux snatched the napkin from Poe. 

“It’s fine,” Hux gritted out. “Accidents. Happen.” 

He turned on his heel without another word, cutting a line through the crowd to the door. Only when Poe was sure he was out on the street and not coming back did he turn to Ben. Ben who was staring at him shoulder shaking. 

“It’s okay,” Poe reached for him. “I’m sorry I should’ve let you handle it, but he’s a literal weasel-” 

Ben wasn’t angry or crying, Poe realized abruptly. He was soundlessly laughing. 

“Hugs,” he choked out eventually. “Oh my god, Hugs... I’m never ever calling him Hux again. His face!” 

“Is this okay laughter or hysterical laughter?” Poe checked in. 

“Mostly okay,” Ben sucked in a breath, “Holy shit, I’m dying.” 

“I thought you were furious.” 

“I was. I am...but fuck. Hugs. He feels like fucking a box of sticks, hugging him would be like going into an iron maiden. HUGS,” Ben was off again, laughing and now it did sound slightly hysterical. 

“Why don’t we head home?” 

“Okay,” Ben wheezed. 

By the time they got in the car, Ben had clearly calmed down, slumping against the car seat. 

“I’m sorry he called you trash,” he said in the darkness. 

“Don’t apologize for him. You didn’t say it.” 

“I might’ve once. When I was still his...whatever.” 

“But you wouldn’t now?” 

“No.” 

“So don’t apologize,” Poe started the car. “I don’t take the opinions of weasels very seriously.” 

“He was okay once and a while,” Ben sighed. “He wasn’t always....that. Or maybe he was and I just didn’t know it.” 

“People have a lot of sides sometimes.” 

As the got close to home, Ben said quietly, “I can’t believe I thought being like him was a good thing. I wanted to tear him down and take his place.” 

“Yeah well, I wanted to be a space unicorn when I was a kid. We all go through phases.” 

“Did you really?” 

“Sure. I liked unicorns and I wanted to be an astronaut. It would’ve been awesome.” 

“How old were you?” 

“I don’t know, six or seven probably. There are drawings somewhere.” 

“I was twenty-two and I thought being Armitage Hux was owning the world, so.” 

“Holy fuck, his first name is Armitage?” Poe pulled into a parking space. “That’s amazing. I could’ve called him Amour Hugs if I’d known.” 

Ben snorted, a thread of a half-born giggle escaping his mouth. 

“Look,” Poe turned off the car, “you ran with that guy. If we’d met back then, we probably would’ve thrown hands at the least. But we didn’t. So. Don’t lose sleep over it, okay?” 

“Okay,” Ben put his hand over Poe’s. “Okay.”


	8. Chapter 8

“It’s not really a big deal,” Ben was looking away from the screen. Poe was in a hotel in San Francisco. Ben was in one in Tampa. Their bedspreads looked upsettingly similar considering they were staying in different chains. “Just a recital basically.” 

“But you choreographed it, and you taught it to them,” Poe was laying on his stomach, legs crossed up behind him with his chin resting on his hands. Mostly he did it because it clearly amused Ben. “Of course I want to be there.” 

“You should save your time off for a vacation or something.” 

“It’s one day. I have plenty of time if you want to run away with me somewhere in the next few months. Did you invite your mom?” 

Ben nodded his head and finally glanced up at the screen, “She told me she wouldn’t miss it. Which means she’ll probably try to drag Dad along. Rey has to come, she did some of the other class numbers, so Finn will probably be there. More people than I’ve had come to see something I did since I was the kids’ age.” 

“Nothing wrong with that,” he grinned. “Hey, do you want to runaway with me somewhere for a few days?” 

“Where and when?” 

“I dunno. Can you do the tropics or do you just go up in flames?” 

“I know what sunscreen is,” he rolled his eyes. “I like the beach.” 

“How about a resort? I think I can swing a deal at one of those all inclusive places. Couple of days with just sand, water, and me. How can you pass that up?” 

“Mm,” Ben smiled at him, “really, how could I?” 

It was just starting to snow when he landed back in New Jersey. Rey and Ben were still away and Finn was working. BB ran to greet him, dancing around his legs and he was grateful for the excuse to leave again, walking her down the sidewalk. The flakes fell with dreamlike slowness, the whole world hushed by it. Most places had already tucked away their holiday decorations for another year. 

They’d celebrated a mish-mash of holidays in the apartment a few weeks before on December 27. Poe had knit everyone hats in their whiteboard marker colors. Finn and Rey had bought him a new suitcase to replace his old reliable one that was finally giving out with age. Ben had solemnly produced a My Little Pony with an astronaut helmet shoved on its head. Poe had laughed, only a little disappointed. He hadn’t really gotten him anything special either and it was very cute. 

When he woke the next morning, a gold chain had been put around his wrist. It was beautiful and masculine and nothing he would’ve ever bought for himself. He hadn’t taken it off since. 

The days smeared one into the next and led him down the street with BB happily peeing on every lamppost. It wasn’t that he minded being alone, but he was no longer used to returning to an empty apartment. He’d gotten acclimated to the hustle of many lives moving through space, overlapping each other and making noise. 

He was relieved when on the way back, he saw Finn headed home swinging the leather briefcase they’d all chipped in for on his birthday. Or the day Finn had decided was his birthday anyway. 

“Hey, sailor,” he wolf-whistled. 

“Captain!” Finn laughed. “I forgot you were making land today. How’s life?” 

They made leftover sandwiches for dinner, bumping shoulder to shoulder as they ate. They chatted as they did the dishes, just petty workplace gripes and public transportation gripes. Poe promised Finn another driving lesson over the weekend. 

Eventually they got settled on the couch with mugs of tea, their legs overlapping. Poe reached for the remote, but Finn said, 

“Hey, man, can I ask you something?” 

“Of course,” he put the remote back. “What’s up?” 

“I’ve been thinking a lot about it and....do you think it’s too early for me to propose to Rey?” 

Poe’s heart nearly burst, he thought he was probably smiling so broad it might look demented, “It is absolutely not too early. You guys have been together for what? Two years now? And you’re perfect together. You should....I mean does she want to get married someday?” 

“Yeah, we sort of talked about it a few months ago. We agreed it wouldn’t really change anything about our lives...but I want to. A lot,” Finn looked wistful. “I don’t even have a real last name to give her though.” 

“So take hers,” Poe shrugged. “I bet she’d love that.” 

“She probably would,” he smiled softly. “Finn Skywalker has a pretty good ring to it.” 

“I think it suits you,” he agreed. “Can I help?” 

Which was how they wound up ring shopping at 8pm on a Tuesday. They browsed and Finn kept doing quiet math in his head until he came up with a reasonable number. 

“No diamonds,” Finn announced almost immediately. “She loves opals.” 

“Opal,” Poe nodded, “got it.” 

It became rapidly apparent that Poe’s job was mostly to make soft agreeable noises and occasionally nod, so he relaxed into his role. After the first two stores, he fished out his phone and texted Ben, 

_how’d the tango go?_

_first place_ came back almost immediately. 

_congrats!_

_want to talk?_

_would love to, but I’m shopping with Finn. For secrets._

_secrets for me?_

_nope for Rey._

He watched the writing dots bounce for a good minute while Finn studied an array of rings held out by a tight lipped salesperson. 

_is he finally going to ask her to marry him? Fuck! Tell him to hold on, DO NOT BUY ANYTHING IN THE NEXT FIVE SECONDS_

_yeah no danger there_ Poe made an agreeable sound after Finn said something about gem size. 

_thank fuck, check your email. She showed me this ring like six months ago and got all weird about it._

“I have insider intel,” Poe announced, opening the email. It was a plain ring, but pretty with little leaves curled around an opal. 

“What?” Finn’s head whipped up. 

“Apparently she showed this to Ben,” he tilted the screen to Finn. 

“That’s it,” Finn nodded. “Yeah, I can see her loving that. I didn’t even think to ask him.” 

“It was 50-50 if he knew anything, so I wouldn’t worry about it.” 

“Are we done then, sir?” The salesperson asked. 

“Yeah, we’re done, sorry,” Finn grinned down at the link. 

“So I guess all you have to decide now is how,” Poe nodded. 

“Oh, I already know that part.” 

It was a good week. Rey and Ben made it home before the storm, carrying a large trophy. It was their first time sweeping the same competition twice, neatly overlapping their anniversary as dancing partners (official ones anyway). Poe and Ben spent an entire afternoon and evening in bed, spending some of the quieter moments planning a vacation that was months away. It warmed Poe through and through that they both felt confident enough that they would both still want to go by then. 

“Are you okay with them getting engaged?” he asked eventually. 

“Yeah, sure,” Ben shrugged. “Rey always wanted things that were more permanent. She’ll like the guarantee that he’s sticking around. She might try to install me in an attic like a weird ex-wife at some point, but I can cross that bridge when we come to it.” 

“Can I live in the attic with you?” he kissed the mole on the side of his neck. “Or is it a one person situation?” 

“It takes some of the drama out of it, but sure,” Ben reached up to tangle his hand in Poe’s hair. 

“You ever thought about getting married?” He asked before he was sure he even wanted to put the question to words. 

“Yeah,” Ben didn’t seem fazed. “Who doesn’t at least think about it? I don’t know though. My parents are married and what does that mean? He’s gone more than he’s there. She has just as much bad as good to say about him.” 

“My parents had a good marriage,” he said quietly. “They fought sometimes, I guess everyone does, but they always made up. I never worried about it. Sometimes...I don’t know. It’ll sound silly, but I think I built my sense of self on their love.” 

“You’d make a good husband,” Ben tugged gently at one lock. “If I was ever in the market.” 

“Going cheap,” he laughed and covered his body with his own so they didn’t have to talk anymore. 

Poe left Ben behind with a kiss in the morning and launched himself happily into the clear blue sky for a few days. They texted instead of Skyped, Ben working hard with the kids the last few days before the recital. When he got home, they were both exhausted and fell into a deep sleep after a happy welcome home. 

Which was why Poe was so startled when someone screamed. Without a thought he bolted from the bed and grabbed the nearest weapon like thing, vaguely aware of Ben beside him as they flung open the door. 

Rey was standing in the kitchen crying, her arms around Finn’s neck. There was a full spread of breakfast out, including waffles. Finn had told him the story a few times of how he’d made Rey waffles after their first date and how she’d eaten seven of them. The ring box was open on top of the stack.

“Oh,” Poe dropped his hands. Apparently in his sleep addled overreaction, he’d picked up a pair of pinking shears. Ben had prop sword, the wooden point already drooping. Good thing they’d been in Ben’s room or they probably would’ve been throwing Poe’s books for lack of anything better. 

“We’re engaged!” Finn said through tears as Rey looked up with wide wet eyes. 

“Congratulations!” They said in chorus. 

“Thanks.... You know, I’ve never seen one uncircumcised,” Rey tilted her head. “It looks like it’s wearing a turtleneck.” 

Poe very strategically covered himself with one hand and the pinking shears as he moved to stand gallantly in front of Ben. 

“Eh, she’s seen it,” Ben said cavalierly before walking back into the room. 

“You have?” Finn’s eyes went wide. 

“Have you seen how tight some of our costumes are?” Rey rolled her eyes. “I’ve had to paint him into pants once or twice. Trust me that that pasty flat butt is not even in my top ten.” 

“It’s a good butt,” Poe protested as he retreated. 

“That one might weigh in though," she said thoughtfully. 

“I will not be objectified in my own home,” he shut the door without any particular speed. 

“If you put on pants, you can have breakfast!” Finn called out. 

“Your butt is not flat,” Poe reiterated as he searched the floor for his boxers, just barely remembering to put down the shears before he had some kind of horribly embarrassing accident. 

“Thank you,” Ben laughed. “I appreciate you defending my honor.” 

They all ate breakfast together, though they left the waffles to Rey. She ate them one handed, the other hand wrapped around Finn’s so hard that Poe was a little worried for his friend’s circulation. Their happiness was infectious and his own cheeks started to ache from smiling so broadly. As a whole, they agreed to temporarily ignore the dishes, drinking the dregs of the coffee pot and talking about weddings they’d been to and what the next steps of planning were. 

Finn had brought up a website on his phone, eagerly showing Poe a list of cheap venues in the area. Vaguely he was aware of Rey and Ben walking out onto the balcony, but he didn’t think much of it. He bent over the phone, giving his opinions. Between page loads, he did glance over. 

Through the glass doors, he saw Ben looking stunned and then nodding furiously. Rey hugged him. 

“Woah,” he said softly. Finn looked up. 

“Huh,” Finn agreed. 

For all that Ben and Rey touched all the time, it was never affectionate really. It was the sort of space invasion that was bred from long familiarity with each other’s bodies. But they were embracing now, Ben tucking Rey’s head under his chin and holding her like she might shatter. 

“What was that about?” he asked after the happy couple and retreated into their bedroom. He and Ben had strategically departed with BB in tow. 

“She asked if I’d walk her down the aisle,” Ben couldn’t quite repress a smile though he was clearly trying. “I mean I thought she’d want Luke to do it.” 

“Yeah, I mean I could see that making sense. Did she say why?” 

“She said no one owns her, so no one can give her away, but since I was her partner she wanted me to stand next to her up the aisle. That we kept good time together,” the battle for his face was lost and Ben was grinning wide. 

“That’s good,” Poe slid his arm around his waist. “That’s really good.” 

It’d be months, maybe even a year or more before the wedding manifested, but it gave the apartment a warm glow anyway. There was something beyond the day to day to look forward to, new topics of conversation. The recital drew closer and Ben pretty much moved into the studio, but it was charming rather annoying. Poe liked playing dutiful boyfriend, bringing by warm dinners and nagging him by text to come home and sleep. 

Usually he woke up to a mouthful of black hair eventually. 

The day of the recital, he got a glancing goodbye kiss and a mutter about seeing him later before Ben disappeared in a cloud of tulle. 

“So,” Finn offered up a controller when he finally stumbled out of his room, “want to use some free time to lose horribly at Mario Kart?” 

“You only wish,” Poe took it and they passed the time easily enough. In between races, Finn glanced over at him. 

“You’re my best man, right?” 

“Yeah,” Poe grinned at him. “Of course I am.” 

“Good. Rey thought I had to ask, but I figured you’d just assume.” 

After lunch, Poe walked down to the florist. He nearly turned around when he arrived looking at the huge arrangements in the window. He wasn’t even sure if Ben liked flowers. He just remembered as a kid being in school plays, his father had always brought him a little bunch of flowers and he’d secretly loved them though he’d pretend to be embarrassed. 

“Fuck it,” he muttered and went into the store. He got something small, just a bundle of crimson roses too refrigerated to give off much of a scent. The woman behind the counter was happy to wrap them in stiff black paper. 

Finn noticed them, of course, as they drove over to the performance space. But he just elbowed Poe once gently and said nothing. 

“Over here!” Rey waved them in as they walked into the half full auditorium. “I saved us a row.” 

Most of the audience were parents, holding up their phones to take quick snaps of the stage. It was undressed, a black box of space with thick red curtains drawn to the side. Glimpses of fast moving fabric could occasionally be spotted as they sat. As soon as Poe sat down, Leia walked down the aisle with a man following in her wake. He got back to his feet to greet her. 

“This is my husband, Han Solo. Han, this is Poe Dameron.” 

Han was handsome, and at first glance, had left little trace of himself on his son. But as Poe shook his hand, he thought maybe he could see something in the set of the jaw and the speculative look in his eye. 

“So this is my son’s boyfriend,” Han gave him a slight smile and that was all too familiar. “You look relatively normal.” 

“Han!” Leia snapped and the smile bloomed into a full on mischievous grin. It changed his face entirely and he looked exactly like Ben for a split second. 

“Thank you, sir,” Poe smiled back. “But you know they say that looks can be deceiving.” 

The house lights started to dim, so there was no time for a rejoinder. Poe settled himself in. Luke introduced each class from toddlers all the way up to a senior class that did a lovely waltz. He was happy to applaud all of them, though it was a little dull. He could tell that Han had closed his eyes at some point because Leia was apparently taking great pleasure in poking him awake. 

“For our finale tonight, we have a longer piece,” Luke announced. “Our own Ben Solo has choreographed a medley that’s titled ‘Rock n' Roll Space Dance Battle’, with our intermediate and advanced students.” 

Queen’s ‘We Will Rock You’ blared out of the speakers and Poe was already smiling to himself. The class from the first day Ben had taught stomped on stage in formation. They were dressed in white t-shirts with black felt patches and white pants. They moved together as one, an impressive display of coordination. Then a screech and Rock You faded out and the kids retreated to the back left of the stage. From the right another group emerged to “You Gotta Fight for Your Right to Party”. Poe recognized their costumes right away as the scraps of bright orange he’d been seeing around the apartment for months. 

The kids were in orange jumpsuits. White beading caught the light on each of their arms in a familiar insignia. Leia grabbed Poe’s hand hard. 

“Is that?” she whispered, emotion straining her voice. 

“Yeah,” he choked out. “It is.” 

The kids, now doing some very impressive rowdy stylized dancing, were all wearing the symbol of Leia’s unit. Poe’s unit. In their orange jumpsuits. Which the more he looked at them were definitely implying a flight suit. His flight suit in particular. The one that was in the photo he kept on his dresser with his arms around his fellow pilots after a successful mission. 

The Team White kids stayed perfectly still while the kids in orange dashed around the stage. They weren’t in straight lines and they each took turns having their own moment to shine. 

From both sides of the stage, the older kids emerged. The White Team kids took a step back on the beat to make room for a boy dressed all in black, a hoodie pulled low over his eyes, a boy in a black tuxedo, and a girl in a stunning silver gown. The Orange Team clustered around their leaders, a boy in the same orange jumpsuit capped off with a white bike helmet and a girl in a cotton grey shift. 

The music shifted again into a song that made Poe have to stifle a laugh. Silver Dress and the Tuxedo took center stage. They began to waltz to Tom Lehrer’s ‘Poisoning Pigeons in the Park’ as they swung by Team Orange, they gave elegant kicks and elbows and the kids pretended to fall over with mock wounds. The ‘battle’ fired up and Team White charged, each matching up with a Team Orange member in slow motion combat. 

The waltzing couple faded into the background as their song melted away into “Sympathy for the Devil” pumped in. Poe was seriously wondering how the parents were taking this, but at least Han was awake and leaning forward in his seat. Hoodie cut through the crowd, the front of his sweater bedazzled in black and red patterns. He reached out a hand and seemed to pull the boy in the helmet from the crowd. 

They danced a duet, the rest of the kids falling to the back as they circled each other. Without touching each other once, they gave the impression of an enormous struggle of wills. Eventually though Hoodie pushed both his hands downward and Helmet fell to his knees. Hoodie pulled off the helmet and tossed it off stage where one of the kids on Team White caught it and stared down at. He slowly stepped out of formation. Hoodie raised a hand as it to strike Helmet, but before it could come down, the music changed out again. 

Springsteen's “Born to Run” blared to life and in typical Jersey fashion, several parents cheered. Hoodie paused as if hearing something and turned. The little Team White boy darted forward and handed the Team Orange leader back his helmet. Then he did a quick move from Team Orange’s earlier dance number. Helmet smiled, then they boogied their way back to Team Orange’s side as the leader helped the Team White boy shed his t-shirt to show off an orange one underneath. 

“What the fuck,” Finn hissed under his breath. “Is this what I think it is?” 

“At least it’s not boring,” Poe was rapt, warmth blooming in his stomach. 

The Orange Team leader in the grey dress stepped up to Hoodie as he turned to realize his original captor was gone. Joan Jett’s voice wailed to life informing the audience about how much she loved Rock and Roll. She danced fast, her head thrown back while the boy in black followed out of rhythm with the same stilted steps as the opening. 

The two teams surged back. Helmet danced circles around Silver Dress while the converted Team Orange boy wove between Tuxedo’s legs in an impressively timed bit until both the Team White leaders collapsed and staggered off stage. 

Grey Dress pulled off an impressive backward flip that brought Hoodie to his knees. In a moment of triumph, she pulled the hood back. Helmet came to stand beside him, mirroring their earlier conflict. 

Instead of striking out, Helmet offered his hand. Hoodie stared up at him as the opening horns of Bowie’s ‘Dancing in the Streets’ blasted out The boy in the helmet did a spin and grinned down at Hoodie, once more holding out his hand. 

Hoodie woodenly shimmied his shoulders, then put out his hand to be lifted up to his feet. Team Orange cheered and charged Team White. There was a flurry of white t-shirts thrown up into the air until the entire group was revealed to be clad in orange, except for the girl in the grey dress. The rest of them danced, repeating their first choreo while the girl in grey took a running leap and was caught by Helmet and Hoodie, lifting her up in a pose of triumph. 

Poe applauded so hard his hands hurt, pleased to hear it thunder across the auditorium. Or maybe it just felt that way. People were quick to get up, waving to children who now peeked around curtains or tumbled down the stairs on either side. They flocked to each other, chattering, filling up the space. 

He knew he should probably sit for awhile, let the parents and children work their way out of the room, make small talk with Leia and Han. Instead, he moved around their knees and headed towards the stage. Ben stood halfway down a set of stairs, answering the questions of a group of parents. On either side of him like gangly sentinels were Tuxedo and Silver Dress. As Poe approached, one man asked a question roughly and Silver Dress shook her head and explained before Ben’s eyebrows could even begin to knit together. 

Poe moved closer to her side to the stage and casually vaulted up to stand near her. 

“You did a great job,” he offered. 

“Thank you,” she looked him over. “You're Ben’s boyfriend, right? We see you waiting for him after practice sometimes.” 

“That’s me,” he agreed. 

“Ben let us do some of the work on our piece,” she said with no little satisfaction. “He’s a good teacher and he’s going to let us help teach the kids next section.” 

“That’s good, he could use some help. I know it’s a lot of little kids to deal with at once.” 

“It’s sort of a thank you,” she said quietly, keeping her eye on the knot of parents like they might try to assault Ben. “Dommie and me, we’ve been partners since we were in under 10s. And Mr. Skywalker told my parents I should get a new partner because I’m getting so much taller than him! And judges don’t like that, but I want to dance with him. Anyway, Ben said that was ridiculous and argued with my parents and Mr. Skywalker for like two hours! And we get to still dance together.” 

“That’s wonderful,” Poe smiled at her. “I’m glad he could do that for you.” 

“Are those flowers for him?” she looked down wide eyed at the roses that had mostly maintained their shape despite sitting on the floor for an hour or so. 

“Yes,” he tipped them towards her so she could examine him. 

“That’s really romantic! Dommie, look!” 

Tuxedo gave the roses a bored look, but he did lean in and say something to Ben, who turned around. 

“It can wait,” Poe assured him hurriedly. “Really, I just-” 

But Ben was there, in his personal space immediately, taking the bouquet with a soft smile. “For me, huh?” 

“I know it’s usually for performances...” he trailed off, staring at the familiar face with such a surge of warmth it overwhelmed him. “Only, I love you a lot. And I wanted you to know that.”

“Poe...” Ben clutched the flowers wide-eyed. 

“And you don’t have to say it back, ever, if you don’t want to,” he said quickly. “But you should know that I love you and I love your big classic rock epic that’s got some serious plagiarism of our lives in it. And Finn is probably going to yell at you, but ignore him because it’s beautiful. You’re beautiful. And I love you.” 

Then he was being kissed soundly, one hand bracing his shoulders as he tipped backwards. When Ben pulled away, Poe became distinctly aware that people were cheering. 

“Wow. Our big movie moment,” he managed to say, clearing his throat. 

“Thank you,” Ben pressed his forehead against Poe’s, “just...thank you. And I love you too.” 

“You said that-” 

“Eh,” Ben kissed his forehead and took a small step back. He was holding the roses tight to his chest. “I got over myself. I was going to do a whole thing....but this works too.” 

“Yeah,” Poe smiled goofily at him. “It really does.” 

“Free dance!” Rey jumped on stage with a wide happy grin, smacking Poe companionably on the shoulder as she passed. She went back stage and the Scissor Sisters dominated the speakers, announcing to a very dance-able beat that ‘I Don’t Feel like Dancin’’. 

She skidded back out, taking Finn’s hand and pulling him up stage beside her. Parents and children, some already in their coats, jumped back up, whirling around each other in giddy circles. Leia and Han floated by, him twirling and twirling her while she batted at him with her free hand and laughed. 

The world was full of sound and kindness. One of the smallest girls from Ben’s class approached him and held out her hand with a wide grin. Ben gravely took it, setting aside his flowers carefully, and they did a messy waltz into the crowd. Ben had to bend nearly in half to keep from pulling her straight off the floor, his hair a mess as he it fell loose from it's ponytail. He had glitter on his pants somehow. 

Mad, bad, and dangerous to know, Poe snorted. 

When they swung around next, Poe stepped forward, 

“Can I cut in?” 

The girl sighed, but let go and returned to her friends. Ben reached for him and they twined together in a totally artless middle school sway. It probably looked ridiculous considering the high energy of the music, but it was nice anyway. 

And even in the slow shuffle of their feet across a scuffed stage, dancing with Ben was a lot like flying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for coming with me on this ride!


End file.
